请看见我发出的紧急讯号灯

心情欠佳，所以又心血来潮来这里了。步入第八个月了，我啊，过得不好也不坏。我不知道最近的自己怎么了， 脸上挂不出一丝笑容，却怎么也哭不出来。我知道这是长大的征兆。还有两天就考试了，严格来说是剩下一天读书，我的心情七上八下，蛮紧张，因为从小成绩就不差，我接受不到如果我的成绩不是我的预想之内，上个学期好像也是这个样子，我有一个我很爱的朋友，我们在kepong聊到深夜，她也看我哭了一夜，她说：不要给自己太大压力，要兼顾上课和做工真的不容易，其中一方做得出色了，另一边就要牺牲了，毕竟坐跷跷板，有一个上，必有一个下。如果真的要两边都完美也不是不可以，只不过会累垮了自己。又到了考试边缘，我的狂想症又来了，无形的压力又袭击我了，这次情况好像恶化了，这个学期的功课显然比上个学期难很多，需要更努力应付考试，可是我看了两天，依然脑袋空空，我知道其实如果真的用心学，这一切真的不难，重点是我真的不懂自己怎么了，脑袋不肯运作了。 我很想能有个完全放松的几天，看场电影，走走街，唱唱歌，吹吹水什么的。半年了，好久没有坐在电脑前看戏了，韩剧，港剧，我完全是脱离了，球拍球鞋都挤满灰尘了，好久没运动了，肌肉都变肥肉了。我很清楚也很明白自己要什么，我知道要在短时间内达成我想要的，我就要付出异于常人的努力，这些消遣是一定要牺牲的了。我身心疲惫了。我热爱我的工作，所以工作时间还蛮容易过。来了这里两个月以后，因为有做工的关系，有了人生的第一份薪水，不多，但是还过得去的数目，就告诉了老妈，每个月请不要进钱给我，我怕我会乱用钱，她还真的没进给我了，突然要付起自己每个月的生活费，我好像瞬间长大了。疼爱我的妈妈应该不舍得我这样做的，总时不时问我够不够钱，不够钱要告诉她。虽然没能过上奢侈的生活，不过这样用自己的钱过生活还真有意义。每个月努力的把仅有的钱存起来，贵的食物想吃但不会去吃，想买的东西不可以买。以前的我不是这样的，我要什么肯定会给自己买的，出来以后，心智长大了，因为要妈妈让我学习用自己的钱过生活的日子，这是自己心甘情愿的，所以一点都不委屈，这是过渡期啊，我知道会过去的。每一天晚上，我总会打电话给妈妈，我不会把委屈告诉她，因为她肯定会担心，所以什么都统统往心里抛了，跟妈妈聊的话题从来就不正经，哈哈，因为我知道她听到我的大笑会觉得我过得还不错，听听妈妈的声音会感觉距离没那么远，心里也会好过一些，每天总喜欢跟她瞎说些有的没的，聊上半个小时才甘愿把电话放下。姐姐啊，总忙着读书，也没空理我过得好不好。我的委屈，应该跟谁说呢？跟我同年龄的人都还把自己藏在书海中，比我年长的，又害怕他们觉得我小小的压力怎么放大呢？所以我真的就什么都往心里吞啦。只有他，我看到他就会觉得我的所有委屈都变小了，看到他，我就会有满满的正能量，可是啊，我好久好久才能看到他一次，听听他的道理我会好过一些。只默默祈祷他过得一切安好。更糟的是，最近的天气太热了，这鬼天气严重的放大了我想家的意念。这里没有冷气，最大号的风扇都吹不凉闷热的房间，我可以半夜热到起来冲凉，冷冷的水我竟然没有发抖。已经穿着最少的衣服，可是依然感觉不知道从哪里冒出来的热热的气，我感觉我住在微波炉。以前在家的我，哪里有这种问题呢？每次还冷到把自己泡在热水中不愿意起来。出来了这么久，生病的次数数不清了，有时也不敢告诉妈妈我病了。生病也还是去做工，因为那是我的热诚，我的责任，我只是默默希望多年以后会有人看见这个渺小的我，我对这个公司抱着很大的期望。滴水之恩，乃泉涌相报。总有一天，我也要做个不平凡的女人。19岁的我，可是我感觉自己活着25/26岁人的生活，这感觉很不错。要承认一点，这生活有时很难挨。有时，我真的很想能有这么一个人可以听我说说我的生活，疏解我的压力，生病了要多休息，累了不要苦撑。我是个不随便关心别人的人，又有谁会来关心我啊？哈哈妙想天开。这个人可以不是爱人，不是家人。有时我也很矛盾，我也不喜欢随便跟别人说这些芝麻小事。不过有一个人，如果他关心起来，我一定会说给他听。因为也只有他的话，我听了会好过一些。 他是聪明人，我什么都不会说，只是希望，看看我的眼睛，能够看穿我的世界。憋了这么久，我真的谁都没说，有时还会到了深夜两三点还在烦着很多我不会的东西，迟迟不肯入眠。好几次，半夜三更开了whatsapp，写了一大堆想说的话，到最后都没有按下发送键，因为这是我自己的事，不关心的人，对于他们来说都是过分的打扰，所以又把一切吃回去，逼自己闭上眼休息。今天真的很颓废，脑袋空空，什么书都装不进，我很紧张，可是大脑不听话了，老师对不起了。把这一大堆都写出来了，也算是发泄了，感觉好多了。现在的我，只想快点毕业，快点快点！对于即将来临的考试，祝福自己，希望还过得去。今天不走，明天要跑了。跑吧，孩子，你不能让他失望的。总结，加油！来，赶快笑一个；看，委屈变小了！

一堂宝贵的课

终于又来到这个灰尘满满的部落格，允许我这篇用华语诠释，因为感觉这样意义深重。
希望你有天能够看到我所写的一切，不要责备，也不要生气我把你说的话都化为文字记录下来，我的脑有限，要留些空间记住你的脸，所以就把你说的话写下来，时时刻刻提醒自己你的每一句话。
二月份的我有点颓，有很想辞职的冲动，因为其实发生了很多事情，造成了种种不开心的因素，当然可能有些问题是因为我自己造成的，一个人，谁能不做错？
就老是跟妈妈说你是一个无论什么时候都能看穿我，看懂我的人，你知道我跟哪个同事好一些，不知道是好事或否，没关系。一个星期前，终于都看见你了，在心里说着好久不见。当时我在想：你发现我的不对劲了吗？你是大忙人，也不敢奢求你发现。就这样，昨天又因为要attend training所以没去上课，我好像逃课很多次了，不知道几时开始，我领悟了，也爱上做工多一些，不爱去上课，但是尽管多么的不喜欢还是要去。昨天一大早你就来了，穿了我最爱的深蓝色衬衫，很久很久了没看见这件衣，我也不知道为什么特别爱这个颜色穿在你身上。training完后，没有马上回家，只想逗留久一些。你问我有什么问题，其实我有的，满心都是问题，可是我每次都没问出来。你说我应该上上人生课，应该学习怎样做人。你跟我说了很多，我也不能一字不漏写完下来。把重要的记起来了。你告诉我做人要想得开，我们不能让全世界喜欢我们，但是让大部分人喜欢我们就够了。再好的人都会有人不喜欢。做人那么累干吗，别人不喜欢我们，不爽我们，痛苦的是他们，与我们无关。做了自己的份内事就好了，不要过分他人，做了应该做的就好，也不要要求什么，你会得到你应分得到的东西，遇到什么事情，不要逃避，要面对，我就是个喜欢逃避的家伙，好惨，不过我会努力改变的。这一个让我感悟最多：凡事，一笑置之，不要什么事情都告诉别人，静静就好。可是我觉得我憋住好难过...你还告诉我，我应该要有正能量，凡事往好一面想，自己会好过一点。你还说了，要感激批评你的人，他们才是真朋友。那些每天赞美你的人，放边去。突然想想，你还真的从来没赞美我什么，我不需要，我知道你会把一切看在眼里的。你说你的路从小就走得很辛苦，你好坚强，你也很成功，对不起为了教会我人生道理，提起了你不开心的往事。你说你在这行那么久了，没有什么很出色的员工除了那跟在你身边最久的两位，我就打从心里告诉自己我要做第三个！我不知道什么样的表现才算出色，不过往后的几个月，你放心吧，我会把自己调整好向前冲！这个月就真的非常对不起了，我不能达标。达标以后，就会有人不喜欢我了，不过，我不会再去在意他们怎样看我了，我知道很多事情，我不说，你都会懂。这样就够了。
以后阿，不管我做错了什么，一定要告诉我，不需要很婉转，因为我很笨的，有时是真的不懂哈哈。
亲爱的你，感谢这一路有你，我不会走的，我也懒的再去找个会像你一样对我那么好的人，我以后的路，可不可以不要放弃教导我？可不可以就这样请你指引我，带我走下去？
在我心里，你是我的伯乐，是一个我非常尊敬的人，希望时间会带我们走得远一些，希望有一天我也可以像你和大老板一样做称兄道弟的朋友，我知道可以的，需要时间。
没有要拍你的马屁，没有要讨好你，我觉得也没那个必要，也没想要得到什么利益，只是打从心里非常非常感激你教我的一切。不知道为什么其他人都不愿意跟你一起上班，我刚好相反，我每个月都会看看日历你几时会过来，会记录好要问你的问题，因为往往很多时候其他人都不是很愿意为我解答，难免有些许难过。你每次过来我都会长大一些，我是说心智，你的每一句话总会让我揣摸多次再慢慢消化。
一个人能走多远，要看她与谁同行，
一个人有多优秀，要看她有谁指点，
一个人有多成功，要看她有谁相伴。
跟对贵人！
先有伯乐，才有千里马。人是可以被教育的，前提是，你的伯乐在哪里？他是谁？他能让你成为谁？贵人是教育你建立正确思维，贵人是把你扶上马送你一程的人，是陪你走到胜利，
为你呐喊欢呼的人！
不知怎么言谢，如果当初你不愿意给我个学习成长的地方，或许我的人生真的改写了，不管怎样，真的谢谢你，我是真的不会让你丢脸，让你失望的。我会努力变成你的骄傲的！我会加油的！
几乎你每次过来，状况都不佳，都是生着病的，看你这样我很难过，
我知道很多时候你都是很累的，只是从来都没说
很想告诉你，人生苦短，何必弄累自己，要好好休息。
祝福你真的可以睡得好。
不要误会，这个真的纯属关心罢了，都几岁了，要好好照顾自己的。
你昨天又生病了，我太渺小，也不能多说什么，今天有没有好一点？照顾好身体，休息是为了走更长远的路。
我在天上的父，谢谢你把他安排在我身边，让我成长了那么多，
也请你帮我赐给他四样东西：平安、幸福、健康、快乐。



负担是礼物，你受的苦将照亮你的路。

all these SIXXXXX long months

FINALLY, there is WiFi over my condominium. And, FINALLY I got to online with pc. This was a diary which I jotted down in my small notebook DAYSSSSS ago and this will definitely be a very long update about every details of my living here for all these 6 months.. Well let's start. 10th August 2013, it was 14 days since I came here. The toughest time had gone, and I know that I'm one step closer to success. After few days here, I decide to live together with jiejie. Once again, (not because of homesick, seriously doesn't wish to waste mama's money to pay for double rental) , so I move all my things from hostel to pv16 (our condominium). Taxi is too costly, so LRT become my daily transport. Tuesday, I went to interview due to the need of the course. Working is one part of our learning so I have no choice. Yeap, I was hired by one well known M.O.G franchise outlet. I almost fainted when my senior manager told me about my working attire. Formal top, black skirt, black high heels, make up and tidy hair. I look so terribly old in formal. :(

this is the first photo of mine when working.I started my working and also so called "internship on 2nd August. Everything started with fear. I can't forget how terrible the feeling was when my first day of work. Days by days, I get used to the new environment. Every time I phoned to mama, I will have a strong feel that my tears gonna roll down, because nothing is easy outside.

this is one the way. There are lots and lots of motivation in Facebook or even twitter, I will always wrote them down and encourage myself to keep my head up and move forward whenever I feel like I want to give up.
26 of August, Jiejie was going back home. Oh gosh damn I guessed I must be cannot survive the months without her, cried a lot when she backed because she left something on the table.

this is just way too warm. Everyday kept on repeating the same routine. 10-10 working. Wednesday and thursday went for class. Time flies too fast which I can't even know the actual date of today.
31 August was my 18th birthday. It was an all alone birthday. All my course mates working or even out station. And so I went to KLCC myself, just walked and walked to release my stress.

It was not a special day though. Just a simple happy 18th birthday to myself. Of coarse I thanks a gang of my silly friends who sang happy earlier birthday to me in Neway karaoke 1 Utama. Yes i admitted that life is much more happier with their presence.

one of the silly girl. Went overnight at their place before exam. Am i cute ? Somehow sometimes i just hope that i can act silly like a child and never worry about tomorrow.

10/10/2013 was annual dinner of our company. Have a look with our costume ! 'WILD WILD  WEST' theme. Alright, the 2 beside me are my best soulmate along these 6 months. I am the youngest among them, they taught me a lot and a lot. I appreciate them in life. oh yeah, we were in love with Carlsberg, Heineken or whatever. We just enjoy drunk together and pour out everything.

They are my colleagues. M.O.G KL FESTIVAL TEAM aka DYLAN's team. Yes, 3 words to conclude about them-----my second family. Besides school days, I spent all my days with them from morning until night. They taught me a lot about lenses, frames, contact lenses and of coarse we are talking nonsense most of the time. Anyway, I can't imagine how my working life will be without them. 

 yes, the person in the photo is my boss. Photo taken during annual dinner 2013. A successful young man. He played the most important role along these 6 months. Well, I can't describe his generosity through words. It's too much to say. Thank you for your generosity and magnanimity of your offer. He never encourage me face by face, but he will just whatsapp me or through phone calls. I remembered I got a call from human resource department, apologize to me for delayed my confirmation letter. He cared about me and hope that I won't keep this in heart. Whenever I saw him, I was like spirit up up and vice versa. I can't promise you anything boss but i will never let you disappointed. Throughout all these 6 months, did you see my hard work and improvement ? I do hope you smile whenever you check with my performance. Take good care. If i can, I would just shout to the world that he is the world best boss. So far for me is like that. (Don't judge me if you're not clear with the situation.) 

09/11/2013, date went home, photo taken exactly the date. Like a boss. Guess what, home is always the best. It was only 5 days home but it's enough. My heart "squeezed" for some moments when I saw my parents. I love them. so love them. Thanks for giving me this wonderful life. 

After one week home, I backed to KL again. 23/11/13 was the lovely's convocation. I'm here to represent dad and mum to apologize to you that they couldn't make it to your diploma graduation. I'm so sorry but please forgive them. You knew the reason. She was my jiejie, one and only sibling. We were close since childhood, seldom quarrel and she always left over the best stuff for me. It was her convocation day. Congratulation for graduate with distinction on Biology and Chemistry. I love you anyway. 

Graduation night, I brought her for some awesome foods. We went to hard rock cafe for our dinner. It was an expensive dinner but as long as she is smiling, everything is worth. She is my one and only sister. Who to love if I didn't love her? 

this is me. Am i cute ? ^^ Mummy called me little pink lion. haha. I thought it should be little pink pig. Just a random photo on bed. Life outside is tough but I have been going through six months. 

This is a girly me with a super mature deary. It was her birthday party that day. We went for sushi buffet together shopping together and barbeque together. Even sleep with her that night.Absolutely unforgotten sweet day. Whenever I was stressed with work or study, she will be there. Still remember, there was one night, we went for bak kut teh at kepong area, nearly midnight that time. It was a heart talk night and she wiped over my tears. Girl, you're truly loved. 

Sometimes, I was just too bored to stay here. Have some fun just like the photo shown above, my hair bun. What face is that? I wonder. You will never know how stress am I cause I still smiling no matter how tough the situation is. I'm stronger than you think. 

My second photo with boss. Since we hit our sales target, he brought us for lobster and french snail at The ship bukit bintang, it also known as "the best steak in town". Look at the photo, he is always that cool, never want to smile. Seriously you will feel better if you meet him in reality. He is having few outlets now and not be able to come over to visit us all the time. No worries, no need to worry since I'm here. Will hand in better and better result every month for you. Well, remember this: YOUR TEAM LOVES YOU. :')

December, it was fall and winter season. See who am I with ? Santa clause was in the mall. HOHOHO. I whispered in his ear that please surprise me with 2014 and please turn all my dreams into reality. It sounds so impossible but I still hold on to the hope, even though it is as tiny as bacteria, invisible. I do have a lot of dream. I gave up some of it. Well, I know there is no U-turn in life so I will just let it goes. I know the Father Lord will always have a batter choice for me. 

Look at this sunshine boy. He turned into NINETEEN yesterday. I miss him. Didn't manage to meet him for one long year. Why is he so special ? He is the one who encourage me to study hard for my SPM, he solved me additional maths, chemistry or even physics questions through whatsapp. He is one of the reason why I choose to be same class with him in the last year of secondary school. I can't forget our graduation day, he shaked hand with me and thanks me for being his classmate during form 5. It was the last time I saw him. Even when the time I was in Melaka, struggling with homesick, he texted me " big girl don't cry". Not only that, when I decided to fly for my second time, he was there with me too, told me can't give up anymore this time. Yesterday was his birthday, so sad I can't celebrate with him. He told me he is heading to USA real soon, friend I miss you. Why Why? Why we cannot be in the same university, having the same course? Because this is life, everyone has their own way to go, everyone has their own dream. When can I see you agian? I hope it's not a long wait anymore. PUI, you will be missed and you will be always in my mind ! Keep in touch and hope our friendship can go as far as it can be. I truly love and appreciate you as my best buddy. Stay healthy. With lots of love, Shi Hien. 

Alright, I do not have too much time to write about my every details here. When will be my next update? Probably another half year to go I guess. I'm too busy and please forgive for not up to date. 

There may be people that have more talent than you, but there is no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do. 

GiRL, be smart and BE OUTSTANDING !

Fear VS Fine

Finally there is unifi over my living place here. And it's blogging time again. I reached here few days ago, thursday. Straight went to my hostel condominium right after airport with sis. Took my hostel key from school then went there with lots of excitement. The outlook of the condominium was nice.

This is how the outlook of my condominium. Not bad right ? But then when I stepped in my unit, worse than my expectation. Living room still okay but not the bedroom. I live in master bedroom, it's old and dusty. Oh my god, the insecurity feeling flew once again. Put down all my heavy luggage, heart talk with sis in the dusty room, ate mummy's homemade dumplings. We cried, with lots of reasons. She told me she was upset too 2 years ago when she first came here. She spent 2 semester, more than half year to get used of the life here. She told me she always cried after phoned baba mama and never cried along the talk. She hided every sadness of her but not me. I felt better after cry out. First day, we cried, wiped away tears, repeated this silly action over and over again. At night, we had our dinner nearby, a chinese restaurant.

 

This was my first meal here. Salted fish pork belly clay pot. I had no any appetite to eat cause my darker mood was tortured me. But I know this terrible feeling will end very soon. Back to sis' condominium and bathed, what a tiring day. A great thanks to Ida and Kim Shin who talked to the throughout the night. Thanks for comforting and reminding me of every little things. I can't fall asleep even it was already midnight. It was hard to fall asleep but then after slept for few hours, I was awake with tears. Looking out the window, night view is pretty here. Think of I was separated with my dad and mum miles away, my tears dropped. The feeling of leaving home was TERRIBLE I tell you. You will never know until it happens on you. Forced myself to go back to sleep. The another morning, woke up and told myself it's a new day instead. Life moves on. We went to purchase all goods that needed in Festival Mall. Of course we were having our lunch there. 

Papa John chicken super papa pizza was our lunch of the day. The salty cheese sauce is yummy :P Still, I was still not in a good mood to eat. Please, I pray hard for the sadness to go away. Shoo Shoo ! We went back to hostel again to drop down all my stuffs. Both of us felt the same way, we felt better than yesterday. We cleaned up the dusty room and started to unpack my belongings. 6pm, we were home. It took one and a quarter hour to go to sis' condo. It was so tiring to have a round trip per day. Yea, this day was just much more better than yesterday, much  much more. Then, we smiled =)

Calling to baba mama at night, baba was glad that I'm not crying while talking to him. Well, I had no more tears to cry at that time. Anyway, it was a well spent day. Yesterday, nothing special. Went to pavilion to have our lunch, simple shopping. We went to O.M.G ! oh my gas nitrogen ice cream. That was our first try. We had a cutie size ice cream. Taste not too bad, not that cold but it's little bit costly. RM12.90 for a small size ice cream is not worthy at all. Alright, we promised no more next time. 

 

 This is the "O.M.G." ice cream with M&M topping. Yeap, last night, it was another night which was so hard to fall asleep. Cause I was scared the arrival of Sunday. What's on my thought last night : I have to go back hostel alone, ride on LRT for more than one hour alone, walk alone and sleep alone. The uneasiness never end. Today was Sunday. Time slipped. It was evening, I have to go. Jiejie sent me to the nearest LRT station and I continued the way myself. Well, the feeling was not too bad. Reached my living place around 1730. Settle down everything but still many clothes left unpack in luggage cause laziness visited. :D Had porridge as dinner, took a bath then sat down and wrote a blogpost. It was my first night sleeping here. I hope I have a great one.

Good night people !

We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of yourself. I will be fine. All my loves, stop worrying about be. I will be back very soon with flying colours. 

HEAD UP. STAY STRONG. MOVE ON.

Waving goodbye to Miri

Hi people. A very good morning to all. It is 25/07/2013, a day to remember, a day to say goodbye. I am probably on my flight heading to Kuala Lumpur or even reached my destination when you guys read this. I booked my air ticket a month ago. never one can turn back time. No one can stop the earth for even one second. Finally, the day came. A day I have to leave, once again for my future. I had been escaped for half year, wasted for half year hanging here and there, doing nothing for half year, more accurate can be said as 7 months. Decided to fly again, the decision was made with tears. With too much of unwilling, I still have to go. All along this whole month, I had fully prepared myself for this leaving. Everyday woke up, told myself :" It's a brand new day, I will meet new people, will have new experience, will have new happiness. Must try to fit myself in. " I scared that I'm going to cry along the flight, I downloaded some episodes of Running Man, to keep my smile on. Also along this month, I made my time fully pack with my family, I cherished every single moment I spent with my dad & mum. I always thought that the best gift from my parents were spending their precious time with me. Two to three weeks ago, I felt that the time passed too slow, I can't wait to fly cause I was too bored and felt lifeless without studying & also growing mushroom at home *sigh* . hmm, it was another story one week ago, I put my ten fingers out and counted. 7 days to go, exactly one week ONLY. I started to worry, will homesickness attacked me once again not ? I hope not that serious as last time. This was a long lasting contradiction.

I remembered one week ago, baba phoned and told us he had accident when he was on his way home from plantation. Mummy and I rushed to see him. I do hate those who drive after drunk. You don't appreciate your life but others do kay, idiot ! Thanks God it was not that serious, at least baba didn't get serious injured but the car crumpled. I told mum don't care how much money should we spend to repair the car, as long as baba was fine, then every other things doesn't matter. Looked into baba, I can feel his pain. This was the second accident he met along this month, tears scrolled down my cheek, he worked so hard to earn money for us, trying so hard to give us a better life. At the moment, I knew that no matter how tough my life is in KL, I have to go through it and make him feel proud to have me one day SOON. Here I have to tell you : baba, I love you so much. Thanks for doing too much for me. My last week in Miri was fulfilled with laughter. Every night having beer and wine time with baba mama aunty and her husband. They kept motivated me throughout the week. Some day, I went to bake cake with small aunt. She hand made a smoked oreo cheese cake for me as a farewell cake. And also sushi time, steamboat night, BBQ night and many many more. Mum kept on preparing all my favorite foods such as steamed village chicken, baked beef, fried inkfish, fried cuttlefish with chilli, uncooked jellyfish, wine prawn &...I remembered one day early in the morning, baba backed home with a plastic full with seafood. He shouted :"Mei, I bought your favorite jellyfish and inkfish!" My face was like : oh thanks I have something nice to eat today HAHA. Am I not coming back home anymore ? I wonder. HAHA. Five days ago, dad brought me to our oil palm plantation. He explained to me how an oil palm grow, how those workers harvest and more. He said we have to thanksgiving and content with what we have now because there is still a little part of people in the corner of the world lack of food and drinks. Also, I was charged not to waste money in KL, buy what I need only but not what I want. What a well spent day with baba, he taught me too much  philosophy of life. You know what around 3 days ago, my sadness amplified. Amplified when mama helped me out to wash my Ipanema slippers. She said I can't wash it cleanly. Not only that, my sadness magnified AGAIN when mama said :" Mei, come ! Put this into your luggage. Don't forget to bring. " 2 days ago, mum was busy making some cookies for me to bring over. I talked to her the whole day, I asked mum why we have to separate over here and there. She smiled and said I'm too silly to ask that. She kept repeated: "don't cry, you have to grow. This world is so cruel, go through it. You will definitely miss home but missing someone is a part of loving them, if you're never apart then you'll never know how strong your love really is." It was Monday night. That was my last night to spend with my baba because he was not in Miri for few days. He was unable to send me off this morning. I think I suffer from split personality ? Some moment, I thought that it's so sad that baba can't send me off but at the opposite side, I might think that It's okay, nevermind. I will see him in few months time. Is this a serious disease ? The night, yiyi husband told me they had a farewell dinner for me, those dishes were delicious but deep in heart I felt bitterness. I can't enjoy myself that night cause the leaving was getting nearer and nearer. Just another two more night then I have to leave. Once again, I punched into depressed and fear. Yesterday, it was my last day to be at home. I slept till noon. Grandmum visited me in the afternoon. Had my last packing last night. Spent almost last few hours at yiyi's home. Went for supper at twelve and backed home at one. Her husband told me: your future is my hope! I felt so proud ! Well, I promise I won't create any disappointment anymore. I received many farewell angpau from them too. I promise I will try my best this time. My families are just too wonderful and awesome, how I live without them ? Couldn't do anything to help myself for this fluctuation, I comfort myself with inspiration quotes, can say as escaping the truth. Whatever. Big laugh. In our life, there will be cloudy day or stormy day, but don't forget there will also have sunny day.

Baba mama, the cities in between us block the way. They make it harder. But I'll scream louder to say I miss you. Sometimes it takes the worst pain to bring about the best change. Don't worry dear parents, I will come back from United Kingdom with my bachelor certificate in hand 4 years later. Wait me !

Tough people make it through tough situations. Giving up is never an option. How much I wish I can always stay at this age like the photo above, but it's impossible I know. Everyone has to grow up. Sometimes all I want is run away from my life, but I know it won't solve any problems. So i choose to stay and fight. I will count my smiles instead of my tears. Thanks yiyi for sending me off this morning with King, the car I love the most. Thanks for these wonderful days. I will be back soon. Bye, goodbye. Separation is pain, too pain.

HOME, I WILL MISS YOU.


Motivation of life:

Accept challenges in life, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.

A day to remember.

After ahjiahjo for whole morning, finally we decide to go somewhere to send off his birthday present. I was shocked when I got a reply from you right on time in midnight. Thanks for reading the blog post last night. Normally you won't read I know, but I wonder why you did it last night. From your reply, i knew that my blog was read by you, cause you requested your birthday present. Well, i had prepared the present a little bit earlier, as past few years. Every year there must be present from me to you, but send or not send was another story. The present for your 18th birthday was a black Quiksilver shirt. Maybe the gift was not as costly as the camera lens, but I hope you can wear it someday, a pretty day with a pretty bright smile, in front of me. It's a hard favor to think of what present to give on people birthday, I love to give shirt as gift. Know why ? The feeling is terribly amazing when you saw they put on the shirt you gave. Once I stepped inside the Quiksilver shop, the black shirt caught my attention and I started to figure out when you wear it. Walked through the whole shop, I can't found the second shirt that gave me such this feeling. It was not in promotion price but it's worth I told myself. You are the first one to receive shirt as present from me, happy not ? Ask yourself. Maybe you will feel embarrass if you come alone (I guess so), I don't mind Connie to follow. I knew that we were not going to talk like before, we didn't talk at first. Both of us with our phone in hand, don't know what should we talk. The moment was too awkward. Well, all of these were in my expectation. I don't know what should I talk, but it would be my greatest pleasure to see you, right in front of me. It had been  2 years time I don't dare to look into your eyes, I was scared to face the real world inside.

 

This was the first photo of the day. Wen Zhen with his 4th birthday present of eighteenth. We were wearing same colour of top (black) and same colour of short pants (dark blue). I smiled crazily in heart when I saw you. *It was also the very first time to ride on your car. Guess it was also the last time. :( *Big sigh.

I likey this photo so much. So So much. Your face look so strange here but anyway thanks for having a photo shoot with me today. For sure, this picture will be kept in everywhere, phone, laptop and even heart. Thanks for the reunion. You told me it's impossible for us to back to before. Yea I knew that we couldn't turn back time but we can make it even more better. Right ?

This is what i always did when I was at beach. Happy reunion & Happy 18th birthday Wen (:
What a sunny day. I didn't rub off what I drew on the sand, I will let the sea water to wash away, wash away all those bad memories and keep all those awesome one. Of coarse on the left side, It was my shadow. Ignore it.

The combination of the pictures today. Happy 18th birthday once again ! Hope we start to talk more and more from today onwards. I am right here waiting for our next conversation. Check Instagram , Facebook and Twitter for all those photos.

Three photos with different smiles on. Big love to the MIDDLE one, so the in love with the smile. Anyway, my heart get warm little bit when I see your smile. God had answered my prayer.

Oops, I had taken one amazing photo with your DSLR camera, with your back look on the volleyball net. Send to me as soon as possible kay. The picture is so important you know, it is going to be a memory of mine towards you. 5%, remember? 5% portion.  AND, send me a pic of you with the shirt on. Billion of thanks.
It's almost last of your 18th birthday, I have too much things to tell in a sudden. Will you listen to me ?  Text me when you free.
Lastly,  I hope that you will like the shirt I gave. Enjoy your day.

Dear Lord, thanks for sending him back. :D *wink*