bully case

Back to my comfort zone,blog. Done with hot shower and start figuring about my post. It's a must to write what had happened to me all these day so that I can recall them one day. Story began on first of June. We have to welcome a new young colleague. Allow me to introduce her, Carmay is her name, 19 years old, 14 months younger than me, pretty, and love to laugh. She spoilt herself before she start her work here. She talked in a snubbing way . She had a spasm of doubtful pride too. Not only that, she always tell lie. Well,that's what I can say at the first sight I knew her. I had applied for my 2 weeks study leave to prepare for my final exam so basically only first few days of June(around 9 days) working under one roof with her. Those 9 days were pretty enough to look through her personalities. I'm not the only one who complained but for all other staffs too. Fine, no matter how bad she is there's still something for me to learn from her. Honestly, I really give full marks for her eloquence and her sunshine smile but doesn't mean I agree her way of selling product. Her way is not so called selling, introducing or even recommending, somehow it's forcing I felt that way. (eg: customer mentioned she wants XXX brand but she gave AAA brand, collect payment first and let others to help her deal with customer after that, tell me what bullshit is this). It's not a correct way to hit target. But who I am? I've no point to comment on her action, this is not my shop. When I was home, I told my mum who I met and how's she is. What my mum did was try to convince me to accept her, tell me the real part of society. Study week was tough and so for sure for the exam days. I was so glad that my marathon final exam was finally over and I can finally have a deep breathe. I brought a brand new mood and mode to face her (my new colleague) because I knew that besides this I couldn't do anything to make things become better. So accept her is the only way. I don't really like in touch with anonymous or even new friend due to it's way to protect myself. I didn't talk to her for around 10 days. She was like a transparent object for me. One day I found out that life like that was so sucks. Alright, I tried to talk to her, teach her something about work, about contact lenses, about lenses, about some other little things in shop. I was happy actually because I did it, it showed that I've improvement. Deep inside, I hope that I can have those kind of leadership power to transform a very bad person to become better although it seem so unbelievable and impossible at my age. But, thing doesn't work out the same way as in my mind. I'm the one who never scold her, I wonder why she did all those shits to me. Please continue to read until the end. All those shits started a week ago. One night, I was on my way home with my little goodie aka my boy colleague. I took out my phone and my key inside his car and I still blame myself why there's water inside my MK bag. At first I thought it was my own mineral water but who knows it wasn't. There is someone with very black heart had poured coke inside my bag. I was like what the fuck. You used a fake MK but please don't try to destroy others. You can use your beauty to request some men to buy you all those branded but not me you know. I bought them by my own you know that bitchy. Well, there's no cctv inside our lab. I've no any evidence to proof that it's you but suspected it's you. The rest were no point do that to me. One is my assistant branch manager, 1 is my good listener and 1 is my laughter. no no no, 100% not their behavior. I didn't really get mad at that time. My tears just rolled down my cheek I just wonder why. The next day was her off day, we live so happily without her presence. I had bought a cotton of milk to eat with my honey star. It was 6 small packs of milk. I drank only 1 of it that day. The next afternoon everything was still usual and my milk was still there. But when I wanted to have my dinner and plan to have my milk, I found out 2 of them were missing. Once again, wtf, there is 3 out of 5 of my colleagues them don't drink milk, 1 is malay girl she never touch my thing, 1 is the cute boy he will always ask my permission before he gets my things. I've asked everyone but no one see my milk. If not you then who? Motherfucker bitch, you can have pandora, ck, prada, mk, lv but can't even have few ringgits to buy your milk ? Allow for my rudeness over here, she is really sucks. Fine, it's still fine. I still have 2 milks left. Story to be continued to the next morning, 1 more missing. Hey girl please la don't do stupid things, I'm so ashamed of you. I never know you like to steal others belongings. I really wonder why she need to do all that to me. Is it so fun to play around and bully me ? You'll be cursed. I tried to comfort myself that everyday is a new day, should work with a brand new mood. Okay I'm just 19 years old, how high you expected my EQ to be, this is me, my personality, it's my freedom to say anything about her because she is seriously affected my daily safety. I don't know what horrible things else will she try to challenge me. 2 days ago, our shop received a parcel from HQ, there is a name tag for her. The name tag showed her position, eyewear consultant. This is the thing that cut me the deepest inside. A person can only get the consultant title after 2 years experience, I had been here for 2 years and even I wasn't not entitled for the position. Position doesn't really matter to me but can please be more fair to me. I must stand up for my rights. I felt that want to seek for a fair answer so I had post a photo to our group in whatsapp. Boss phoned me and told me I couldn't do that. I apologized for my action if this had brought you an embarrassed circumstance. I'm not purposely meant it. You're my respectful man, I know you handle everything. Please, be fair for me. There's lots of little things which I didn't tell you to avoid double up your troubles. You might feel that I'm so wrong, I accept my fault. Yesterday was the second last day working together with her. I can't stand anymore so I ask her can she be more gentle when doing her job. If you feel like you want to do, do it happily and perfectly. If you don't feel like you want to do, put them aside we will do it for you. Don't do them clumsily to show us that you're unhappy with it. I talked politely to her but what I get was scolded by her. Fine.. I can never win a bitch tho. Continue the fight will only show that I'm same kind level as her. The day was long and tough, I never know a person who's wrong can still stand there so right and so proper. One more thing , I lost my money yesterday. I'm sensitive towards my money, I remembered my balance and knew where had I spent. I wonder will my money ran away by itself ? I've nothing more to say about her anymore . Ridiculous is the only best word to describe her. I don't know what I did which irritated her. Stop bully me dearly. I voice out for a fair rights. Dear whoever, I'm so sincere.

听了爸爸车祸，立马买了机票回家看他。我不知道这一回竟然那么折磨我。为了搭最便宜的一班机，我露宿机场了。看到爸爸的那一刻，我心都暖了。回家的短短三天三夜，知道最近家里状况不好，妈妈做了一份工，我明白她并不是很愿意，只是为了给我的考试费，她也没办法。心里感动，她真是好妈妈。第四天，我又得回归我的正常生活了。去机场的一路上并没有哭也没有难过，跟妈妈道别也没哭。直到候机室，惨了，情绪来了，我哭了。这一哭，就哭了我整整一个星期。那个不理旁人眼光，就这样任由眼泪落下，爸爸给我打电话。听我哭，可是他没问。上了飞机都还是这样，睡不着，眼泪流不停。好不容易撑了两个小时，回到了。依赖性的想告诉妈妈我难过。我犹豫，因为明白哭给她听，她会更难过。可是听了妈妈的声音我会好过一点点。妈妈对不起，我自私，我最后还是拨了那电话。说不出的难过，只是不停抽泣。没有立刻回家，而是到宿舍。又两个小时车程。突然身体不争气了，痛了，然后病了。多么难才熬到看医生时间，吃了药，睡觉。我谁都没告诉，我病了。只是自己死撑。第二天有考试，身体还是不适，又哭了。那一刻叫天天不灵，叫地地不灵的一瞬间，世界好像末日了，谁来带我去看医生。还是自己去了，觉得自己好坚强。看了医生，马上回去考试，乱考一统。晚上还是给妈妈打电话了。就这样第二天就回到了姐姐这里。第二天她去做工，我自己在家，发现睡觉时间好像比较容易过，就逼自己睡。但是总是一睡醒就喊妈妈，这一天，又有谁知道我是怎样过。你问我为何难过，我真的回答不了，我只是不想离开爸爸妈妈身边了。做工三天就还好，回来累了就睡觉。今天就惨了，一睡醒就哭，又是哭个一整天。打电话给妈妈，她生气了，不理我了，我心碎了。还有五十二天就读完了，我不要再待在这个没有你们的城市了好吗？可是我回家又怎样，又怎样？我要怎么办。妈妈，成全我好吗？我真的不要了。上苍，谢谢你让我熬过这些日子了，毕业了我就不要在这里了，不要了。妈妈，我很没用我知道，但是我不忍心看你们自己生活了。

New year off for 10 days

First and foremost, Happy Chinese New Year dear blog readers. Wishing you a prosperous year ahead. It's goat goat year, finger cross I made a wish. Hoping that healthy and wealthy surrounded my families and friends.

Laughed a lot when I see this. Sorry that it's quite small image due to taken from whatsapp. Heeeee.

Yesterday was the first day of Chinese New Year and also my last day in hometown. Spent my day taking care of all my adorable cute cousins. It had been quite long time didn't meet them up. Yea, they grew a lot, so do I. No photos about bai nian because my mum brought to all those relatives house which they are old man old women that don't really likey selfie. xD

I have a cute baba but he has traditional mind. He wanted us to wear red red during the first day of CNY. Well no offense, obey what. First year out of the 20 I spent my CNY at mummy's hometown, a 鸟不生蛋的地方, ohhhh gosh boredom strikes, GAHHHHHH. I don't have any new year feel, totally don't have. I miss those moments having lion dance with the gang during CNY. I dislike growing up, it's totally a freaking bullshit. Went back kl this afternoon, no one's home. I'm all alone and tears rolled down accidentally. Small matter, it's only 3 drops, hahahaha

Alright, this photo taken when the day coming home. No words can spell out the excitements of seeing your parents. My parents came from very poor family and they are not what high educated person, but I love them. They sacrificed too much to build up my way to future. That's a sure thing they don't really enjoy electronic devices and of course they are not so high tech which know about skype. In another saying they are not interested I don't know why. So, I couldn't be able to see their face after each separation and so this makes me miss them even more..

AHAAA! That's my cute little bedroom at my mummy's hometown (batu niah). We owned a shop house here, which is around 96km away from my hometown (Miri). It sound complicated. In an easier way, my mum and I born in different place. After I came out to pursue my study, mummy moved back to her own hometown. She preferred here. We have a home in Miri, but it had been left empty for almost 3 years. It is sad to tell about this. Let me make an apologize to my previous classmates and friends. Dear all, each time I came back mummy brought me to go back to her hometown which I don't have chance to hang out with you guys. Mummy said I only came back for few days she never want me to go somewhere out of her vision. ><'

My batch mates, classmates, friends...I felt that I'm so far away from you guys. I do have some very close friends in secondary and primary school, but things go totally different nowadays. All of them separated all around the world, 1 of them in US, one in Adelaide, some in India and also UK. My conversation with them getting lesser and lesser. I knew the reason (we don't have similar topics anymore) Every chats started with how are you and ended with take care. I'm boring with that. What to do, we have different way to go. My education stage almost comes to the end and I started my career and think of my business. This is horribly different from them. So? I have my own choice, wishing all my besties which still struggling with books, best of luck!

Supervisor of mine. He is going to kill me if he saw this but I don't think he will read so it doesn't matter. =D

Colleagues from different outlet and so called midnight kaki, yamcha all the time and I never rejected their invitation haha.

Can you smell their happiness? They look so good when smiling with teeth. :B

Photo taken on 01/02/2015. It was the day after we fight so hard for our January target then we decided to chill at six inch cafe before going back home. They are 2 laughter of mine. I smiled a lot when I see them. I changed a lot when they joined our team. Colleagues, people I have to face more than 12 hours per day, how time gone if the relationship with them cracks? I protect our (colleague-ship) so much hehee. I learned to be tolerant and forgiven from them. Everyone survived happily in this "society food web" when we add in harmony, minus out misunderstanding, times in tolerance and divide out all madness. 

Their chiong k time. We still hang out during off days when everyone agreed. I enjoyed listening to their songs. I can't imagine my working life without them and I don't know how I survived before they join. They are still not yet called best friends but we share the same topics, joys and tears, that's enough for me. Part of my companion on my growing path. If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.

Group photo of us in full set formal uniform without boss. It's a farewell supper for one of my colleague.
My 19th month with this company, 1 word to say, FRUITFUL. Many ask will me why you work so early, I smile and remain silence, It's no point for me to explain. Those who understand, explanation is not needed.
I'm happy with my career, that's pretty good.

10 days home, discuss with mummy about my days after graduation. This is not overthink, it's just around the corner. 9 more weeks to class then I will done with my syllabus. Start worried about my exams? Theory part I still can handle well, practical is still scraped through satisfied. But it's different story when it comes to refraction. Only 16 of us will sit for this exam since it's optional. Another cert that certified by ABDO, UK to do refraction. This is the thing I need the most and I go ahead. Well known quote: practices make perfect. Me? Never practise=never perfect. Nawwwwww :'( I admit that I'm so freaking lazy sometimes. AND I'm greedy i knew that.

5 tough subjects, 1 practical exam, 1 refraction exam, my work, my target...I have to manage all these thing at the same time ! Never give up, challenges accepted ! Seriously, I hope I don't fail anyone of them. haha who wish to fail, I guess no one.

The days after class, I don't know how. I'm helpless. No one can give specific suggestion. Stay ? Leave? Stay in KL or back to Miri? I talked to a young men that day, he asked me, 'you think 20 years old very young?' This question motivated me, it's never too early to be success. One more question, he asked,'do you see your future in this company?' Once again i stuck. I don't know how many years should I stay here. Who shall I be after graduate? after 2 years? 5 years? left them unknown, I curious but what to do. I threw all these questions away, don't even want to think because I can never get an answer tho. My mentor, I put my trust in him, he will lead my way.

I'm having serious atelophobia nowadays. The fear of imperfection. The fear of never being good enough. This created overload stress for me.

I think I have to stop here, exam soon. Gonna start pampering my books. Looking forward for my next return. Cheers, good night !

20140722

It was finally the arrival of this day. It's not what special date as well, just a normal working day with my senior aka manager aka boss here with us. Went back here from home on 30 June, start working on July. Well, it is the last month fighting with all my colleagues, my second year start soon right one week later. Don't know what kik, I just feel like jotting about ups & downs during my full time job so it became my little memories when i reread my older post in future. It had been fully one year I'm here. As days gone, things happened, lesson learned, experience earned. There are some customers do catch my mind. First was a 40 over lady, Ms Daisy, she bought a Michael Kors frame with me. She was like my mum, telling me big girl don't cry, do your best and hoping me doing eye test for her during her next return. She had sent me an email months ago and she told me she did sent to our HQ, I felt so embarrassed as I don't do anything beside chatting with her. The email to HQ stated that :

“I was extremely impressed with your outstanding staff namely Ms. Fung Shi Hien and Mr. Desmond. As, both spelled out the essence of MOG beautifully ~ to help the world see better and provide excellent personalized service. Yes, I believe with the new pair of Michael Kors from MOG, KL Festival City not only helping me enhance my ‘visual and appearance’ but it would ultimately aid in all my up and coming presentations. On similar note, my mother is happy with her new St, Berry Eyewear which is within her budget. I would highly recommend MOG, KL Festival City to anyone considering a new EYEWEAR and outstanding service”.

Daisy Poh Yoke Cheng

Consultant

this is the first customer which gave me so much of confidence to do myself. When she came to collect her glasses, she still give me a little gift which i stick on my bedroom until today. It was amazing to have this patient. I hope to you again soon Ms Daisy, best wishes in your life. 

Few days ago, I met a PHD holder customer. He brought one broken frame and going to find some frame to fix his own lenses. During our chatting, I tried to understand what he actually wants and we chat like long lost friend. He is clear with my course and my works and trying so much to give me encouragement. Around almost 2 hours of talking,lastly he bought a Tag Heuer frame and a pair of polycarbonate lens with me. What impressed me was those words he told me before he left.

He shook my hand and said "Good girl, nice to meet you up. We had visited many optical shop but we didn't get the similar service as you provided. Didn't request for more discount, we pay for your service, see you soon my good girl, best of luck." 

I didn't know what i did to him but I knew that I did a great job. I send him off with a pair of thankful eyes. Deep in heart I knew that I will own this customer forever. I cherish what he said. My heart was like pumped in lots of positive energy. Sir, thank you, i appreciate you, as PHD, as my patient, my customer, my listener and also my friend. 

One more one more, that's early morning which all of us were doing cleaning before the business start. An arabian stepped in with a contact lens box. He told he wanted to buy that. (Oasys Astigmatism). I'm so sorry to tell him that the contact lenses need to order, he said he need it urgently. I apologize for my failure to help him out. He had turned around to seek for other optical shop. He went back around one hour later and told me to order for him. When I was printing the receipt for him,  He asked me: you know why I come back to you although your price is higher? I was shocked at first, I know our price maybe slightly higher compare to others. He replied me: you have a good smile. Aww, it melted me at that particular moment. I remember on that day, there are FEWSSSSS pimples on my face which i hate it sooo much, they totally spoilt my mood to serve customer. But, i didn't failed to do my part. ;P A beautiful mood early in the morning may bring you luck along the day. Thanks for your praising, I will always keep my lips up. 

I believe in this quote: treat others with your heart to the fullest, they will do the same. This is how i survived for this year in this career. More challenges to come, I'm ready. Besides all this goods along this year, there are also some bad for sure. For example conflict between colleagues. Sometimes I wonder is it my own problem ? I'm just doing my part, doing my responsibilities , building up my way, am i wrong ? Sometimes i will even feel like there is no one like me here,the condition is just too hard to express. Each time I comfort myself that I have a big heart, forgive and forget, this build up good relationship. In addition, I still talked to myself almost everyday. You may have to accept grievance for now, but do believe that lord will grant you in another way round, somewhere in future. Have faith on him. Not only that, I ever broke customer frame, a little bit crashes due to adjustment. I was scared at first. I don't know where did the fear come from, I just scare. Still, saying sorry to customer. She smiled and said small matter, it's much more better than before adjustment done. whoops, I felt relief. It's just lucky that I haven meet some very fierce, very "lansi" customer. I know I will sure meet one of them one day. 
The night, whatsapp to my senior to tell him that I always couldn't do my adjustment well. It's sad when you can't even do a small thing completely. He ended up turning over the next day to solve my problem. It might be only coincide that he came for other reason, but still thank you for everything. Innumerable thanks from this kid, super childish silly kid. =D

It's good to see you again today, thanks for the teaching today, thanks for listening to my problems today and also thanks for giving me a ride home. It had been a couple of time i didn't go home by car. Honestly I really think of resign. In another saying, think maturely wherever i go, the condition will still remain the same, so I will put aside the idiot thinking of resignation.  Part time started, i think it will definitely slower down my improvement. Will do focus on my studies first, I will back to you soon. Seriously, I pray that i wouldn't lost anything along these part time months. Unable to lost anything anymore. I will do better when my fully return, I promised. I don't know what else to say besides thank you. I don't know where else to look for the second person which can teach me unconditionally and provided me with chances. Don't worry about any single thing here, have some trust in us, hand in hand, we will hand over you pretty result every month, busy at your own. Good night and take good care.

UNTITLED.

10 OF JUNE, IT IS FINALLY THE FULLSTOP FOR MY FULL TIME JOB. AT FIRST, I HAVE TOO MUCH OF EXCITEMENTS TOWARDS THE COMING OF THIS DAY, BUT WHY MY MIND WAS SO COMPLICATED NOW? MY LAST WORKING DAY WILL BE AT THIS COMING SUNDAY, AS A REPLACEMENT DUE TO SORT OF STAFFS. THE ELEVENTH MONTH OF WORKING, I HAD SET A VERY HIGH TARGET FOR MYSELF. 9 WORKING DAYS  FOR THIS MONTH AND I HOPE MYSELF CAN FIGHT FOR 3OK SALES. ANOTHER 3K TO GO TO ACHIEVE MY TARGET, COMING SUNDAY, PLEASE DON’T DISAPPOINTED ME HELLO. PERSON IN CHARGE, PLEASE DON’T BE DISAPPOINTED IF I AM UNABLE TO HIT IT, BUT I DO HOPE THAT MY PERFORMANCE CAN SHINE YOU FOR SOME MOMENT. ALRIGHT, YESTERDAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF WORK BUT ALSO THE LAST DAY TO SEE MY RESPECTFUL BOSS, AND IT IS ALMOST ONE YEAR SEPARATION. CAN NEVER MEET UP WHEN MY PART TIME START. ALL THESE DAYS I WAS TORMENTED BY MAKING DECISION FOR MY FUTURE. GONNA START MY SECOND YEAR OF DIPLOMA SOON, SHOULD I CONTINUE MY DEGREE IN SCOTLAND, UK? SHOULD OR SHOULDN’T ? CAN OR CAN’T I ? I HAD SEEK FOR MANY SUGGESTIONS. FOR MYSELF, I WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE THE ANOTHER 3 YEARS OF DEGREE TO FULFILL MYSELF, AT LEAST WITH A BACHELOR CERTIFICATE. THE TWO MAINS THINGS THAT BROUGHT ME FEAR: 1. HOMESICKNESS 2. LEFT THIS JOB FOR THREE YEARS. THE FIRST PROBLEM MIGHT POSSIBLE TO SOLVE BUT HOW ABOUT THE SECOND ONE? THERE MUST HAVE SOME PERSON TO REPLACE MY SPACE DURING MY ABSENCE AND I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, FROM ZERO AND ALL MY HARD WORK THESE DAYS WAS WASTED, JUST THAT WAY. MY MIND WAS DISTRIBUTED INTO HALF. 50% THAT GO, 50% THAT STAY. NO ONE CAN HELP ME TO DECIDE MY FUTURE. I AM SO CLEAR WITH WHAT I WANT, I WANT BOTH, THAT’S SOUND SAD CAUSE IT’S QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. DEAR BOSS, YOU’RE ALWAYS MY MIND READER, MY RESPECTFUL LEADER, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME HOW AM I WILL BE IF I PURSUE MY DEGREE IN UK? AND SO THE OPPOSITION IF I STAY HERE WITH YOU RIGHT AFTER MY DIPLOMA? I HATE MAKING DECISION. WHAT AM I WORRY ABOUT IS I ALWAYS SCARE THAT IT’S TOO LATE, EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE FOR ME WHEN I’M A DEGREE HOLDER. CAN THIS COMPANY PUT SOME TRUST IN ME THAT I WILL BE BACK TO YOU ALL RIGHT AFTER 3 YEARS LATER ? I COULDN’T PREDICT WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THESE COMING YEARS, BUT I HAVE A VERY CLEAR MINDSET THAT I WILL BE BACK TO YOU. NOT BECAUSE OF I CAN’T FOUND ANY BETTER COMPANY, IT’S ALL ABOUT THANKFULNESS, THANKS FOR BUILDING UP ME INTO A TOTALLY DIFFERENT GIRL. COULDN’T ASK FOR MORE, ALL THESE 11 MONTHS WERE SO FRUITFUL TO BE ONE PART OF MOG, ONE SMALL PART. FINAL EXAM IN FEW MORE DAYS THEN I WILL BE HOME. DECISION MAKING STRUGGLED ME NOWADAYS, STILL WAITING FOR MORE AND MORE SUGGESTIONS. MY TALENT SCOUT, THANKS FOR BEING THE ONE IN MY LIFE, THOSE WORDS YOU TOLD ME TWO NIGHTS AGO, I SWEAR IT WARMED ME A LOT AND I WILL GROOVE THEM IN MY MIND. FCS AND THE OWNER, YOU WILL BE MISSED. A YEAR LATER, I’M NOT ME ANYMORE AND THE SAME GOES TO THE ME 3 YEARS LATER. STAY TUNED. MOG, I DO LOVE YOU MUCH. I AM NOT SO SURE HOW IT WAS DONE, BUT I JUST DID IT. GOOD NIGHT AND SHOUT TO THE SKY AND STARS, TELLING THEM THAT I’M COMING HOME. =’) 

献给这世上最棒的女人

五月的第二个星期天，世界性的节日，母亲节。
给妈妈打了通电话，发了封好长的whatsapp给她，这一刻，在这个角落的我好想你。
步入第19年，第一次不在她身边给她庆祝，妈妈对不起，隔了一片海洋的我们，我不能说飞就回到你身边。
我妈妈，她是这世上最棒的女人。我们不是富裕家庭，却吃得饱，穿得暖。幸福的定义是什么？一定是要拥有很多钱吗？不，我从来不这样认为。我一直都觉得我很富有，因为我有爱我如生命的爸爸妈妈。我没有住过什么富丽堂皇的家，也没有坐过什么敞篷跑车，那又有什么关系呢？重要吗？比上不足，比下多多余了。
妈妈，从小就把我们管得很严，我们想买什么，她不会无条件得给我们买，而是希望我们把书读好，每进步一次，就会买了我们所要求的物质。所以我们的物质都是有条件换来的，小时候好讨厌妈妈这样的管教方式，其他小孩都可以要什么有什么，长大后才发现妈妈的苦心计，她教会我们珍惜得来不易的东西。还记得很多次，我被妈妈狠狠得打了，有一次屁股都被打肿了，害得我坐椅子都痛，大了才发现没有妈妈那么严厉的管教，我应该没有今天的成就。爱的教育在我们身上实施不来。妈妈从小出生穷困家庭，没有很高的学历，所以明白挣钱不容易，总逼我们一定要读好书的她，是希望我们以后的日子过得容易些，她说我没有能力留太多财产给你们，得靠自己了。当妈妈苦尽甘来时，日子过得好一些时，做孩子的我们因为着要成长的原因，得离开她身边。那是多么的无奈，每次这样想，我总会叹叹气，泪又默默留下。我妈妈，她是个与众不同的女人，她也是个好强的女人。小学一年级开始，妈妈为了让我们上最好的学校，离开了爸爸的工作岗位，陪我们成长，一个星期看爸爸两次的我们，这一别就是十年。我一直都以他们为傲。妈妈在我们中学时期才告诉我们，她那时做这样的决定也是用了好大的勇气，很多夜里她也害怕，也会哭，毕竟带着两个小孩到一个陌生的城市，能不害怕吗？直到我们都出来继续读书以后，爸爸妈妈才终于一起生活了。妈妈说她要好好照顾爸爸了，因为我们他被忽略了十年。好惊叹！若我不好好读书，怎对得起他们？爸爸妈妈的大爱，真非笔墨能形容。每个女人都是爱美的，我妈妈，从我懂事以来，没买过化妆品，只买过保养品，我们用的是上千的产品，而妈妈她说她老了，不需要用那么好的，咳，我真不知我应该感动还是无奈。妈妈，她没有买过超过二百块钱的包包，没有带超过二百块钱的手表，没有上百块的衣服和鞋子，我知道她有能力给自己买的，只是不舍得花在自己身上罢了。她用的手机是我用了一年后的旧机，因为她给我买了苹果5！你相信吗？我就有一个这样的妈妈。她没有穿过名牌，却总给我们买。打开我的衣柜，大多数的衣服都不便宜，而妈妈她总给自己买些便宜货，她说她老了，穿那么好给谁看，我的妈妈，她就是那么的让人感动。现在，我都不时不时给她买东西，前几年买了个上千的包包送给她，记得她把我们痛骂了一顿，她骂我们不会赚钱怎么给她买那么昂贵的东西。那天过年去台湾旅行，我给她买了个300块的鞋子，把鞋子穿在她脚上，帮她系好鞋带，去柜台还钱，那感觉好好。妈妈摸摸我的头说她没穿过那么好穿的鞋子，那一刻我泪都飙了，300块，是我一个月四分之一的工资，就算要我用上一年的工资给她买份礼物，我觉得都不过分。 还在读书的我，基于学院要求，我得做一份工。这是人生中的第一份工作。感谢有它，才能给妈妈买份礼物。昨天和妈妈聊了蛮长的时间，她告诉我一些家庭的投资计划，把她搞得好累。他们可以不需这么做的，却依然坚持，硬着头皮努力的赚钱，只为了保障他们宝贝女儿的未来。对于那么爱我的他们，我除了感恩，感谢，我不知道我还要说什么。妈妈，我们还要分开多少年？我读完书以后的打算如何？我真的不晓得，感觉好害怕面对。妈妈，她还是我最好的支持！做工不到一年，却遇到好多问题，她总是在电话的那一旁听我说，给我安慰，她说社会是这样的，她都一把年纪了都还在面对，她总告诉我什么都得忍，感谢所有的困难与荆棘，刁难与磨练让你成长。妈妈，她好像很多时候和我心有灵犀，知道我什么时候心情欠佳了，就会给我发些加油鼓励的话，也告诉我吃得苦才能和别人争长论短。 妈妈在我的房间贴过一个‘小百合’的故事，她希望我像它一样那么坚持和刻苦去面对所有事，要相信会有先苦后甜，也会苦尽甘来。我出来一年了，接近一年了，妈妈她从来不过来看看我住的地方，我的生活环境，她说她看了会难过，因为从小过着公主般生活的我们，不忍心看着我们在这样的地方生活。其实这里也没太差，只不过少了家里那温暖的大床，舒服的车载送。我们还是过得很好，妈妈请你放心。时间好快，我和妈妈分开在那陌生的城市三个月了，最后一次在她怀里哭是三个月前的事了。好期待回家看到妈妈的脸。妈妈，给我五年时间，我会努力达成给自己设下的目标，我总要给你买上你这几十年来不舍得给自己买的物质。妈妈，这个夜里，我好想你。妈妈，谢谢你的爱，我好爱你。母亲节快乐，你要健康哦，听到你生病我真的非一般难过。

这就是我心爱的妈妈。时间，请你停下你残忍的手，不要在我妈妈脸上留下任何痕迹了，我求求你，停下来好吗...

Let it go

It's Wednesday. Went to class as usual. 2 weeks more to my practical exam. I'm so nervous because I hasn't well prepared. Really really really, I couldn't manage to fail any single part of it, I don't have any ability to pay for my school fees. I'm so worried but I don't know what to do. Since I skipped too many practical class, I know that I should pay for this irresponsible behavior. Talked to my 2 hubby about taking non pay leave on our pre exam lecture on 21 until 24 April, one of them told me that, you have to keep in mind and ask yourself what's more important for you at this moment. He said, we always heard you expressed the problems you faced during work but we never heard that you complain about your studies. Silence. I keep silent. Since I'm not a full time student, working is more important for me. Why I have this kind of mindset? I curious. I'm going to put my work aside first from next semester onwards, dear FCS owner, I'm sorry, I will be back soon and I will definitely be different when I'm back. Don't get mad of me for having too much of leaves, I don't want them actually. Got a wechat from you during my lesson, glad that I'm one part of the shop, but I'm off today, couldn't be able to tell you how everything's going on. Remember please, I'm having class every Wednesday and Thursday. You will never know how glad I'm to have you. How are you recently ? Seem so busy and have a bigger plan. Anyway wishing you succeed. I've many, hell a lot, tones of things to tell you. I AM NOT FINE AT ALL THESE DAYS. Am I too stressed ? I wonder. Pimples started to spread all over my faces. It's bad, bad ! On my way back home, scrolling down Facebook is what I always did inside the 1 hour LRT travel, my boys and girls were playing happily in India. They had finally explored the curryland. They were fine but not me. It had been a year  since I left them and I still stick this issue in me. Staring at their photos, how much I wish I was there. It might not be a high salary job in future but who cares about the matter right now ? Everyone is realizing their dream. I'm 20 next year, will be done my diploma next year. Is my study life ends like this ? I don't even dare to think about it. I'm depressed. I'm upset. I'm unhappy most of the times when I saw any updates from those MBBS gang. I have a world best mom. She often tried her best to comfort me. She always tell me:" Mei, let go of the past, move on with your present to future, you're doomed if you keep on holding to your past." Before this, I never know that exactly how "Move On" feel, until the day I have to do so. I want to go back so badly to achieve my dream. Dear Doraemon, can you please lend me your "turn back time machine" for me. I wanna reverse the time to January 2013. It's impossible I knew that. To do it again after my diploma ? Still considering, I might not have any guts to do it again I guess so. Back to reality, life now. Not bad also. I'm satisfied at least, with good person and good leader by my side. I cherish you. To pay for your kindness and generosity, I will try to hand in better performance. Do you ever regret to have me in your shop ? I asked this stupid question. Hopefully really not. Who am I ? I'm just a little dot. There is too many people out there more excellent than I, cleverer than I, smarter than I. I still have a big gap to go, many room for improvements. Can someone, anyone that can stand at my position with my thoughts, tell me what should I do now. Give me some suggestions please. Should or shouldn't ? Can or can't I ? Can I archive my dream without giving up here ? A stone kills 2 birds, is it possible ? Another oppose saying " you cannot burn the candle at both ends " or " you cannot have the cake and eat it " . I'm struggling. And I want to see you so badly to overcome all my problems. Girl, set yourself free, don't stressed, don't compare. Be smart, be humble, be outstanding ! Our life is not a draft, our life didn't prepare us a rubber, it's only once. There is no U-turn in life, so life well it !                                                      Don't overthink. Let it go. 

Bye MMMC gang!

Finally the day came. It's the day my lovely batch mates going to India. As promised, i went to send them off at KLIA. Their first flight was on 9:50, I need around 2 hours to reach, I woke at 5 and went out at 5:45 early in the morning. I reached there around 7:45, went to the check in counter to check the flight to Bangalore, rush to them. And finally I saw one of my favorite person, JASON LEO as others called him 'chicken neck' haha. He was wearing the Uni T which printed MANIPAL-INSPIRED BY LIFE. I wait aside to meet up with my two lovely girls, Eelyn and Joyce. I can't believe that I still cry when I saw them. Give them both a good luck gift and wishing them a flying colors success.  Hug them tight and we started to talk. So happy and so touched that we still meet each other after one long year. Once again, the question pop out in my mind: do you really want to give up ? you sure ? you sure? I couldn't answer. We are close friend ? Best friend ? No, our friendship couldn't be define. It was only one week stay with them but I love them as friend, my heart really likes them. Sending off the two lovely to the international departure hall, I met with our English lecturer Ms Jo, she brought me to meet another favourite boy of mine there, LIHANG LIM. He was shocked to see me, the face was so funny. Sat beside him, I felt good. How good if I didn't give up a year ago ? If not we will be going India together to fight for our dream. Not much things to talk to him since it had been one year of separation. He grew fatter and smarter. All those photo taken were in their phone, (photos will be upload soon) let it be the memories. I could never forget the hug, goodbye all loves ! Sorry that I can only manage to see 4 of you, I don't know where is the rest. What time now ? I think it's almost time to next flight from Bangalore to Mangalore. It's another two hours bus trip to hostel later on , horrible :( Alright boys and girls, take good care over there. Weather in India is hot, drink more water and no spicy food everyday. It's dangerous there, beware. MBBS is tough, so don't stress up yourself, have some relax sometimes. Be a good doctor kay. Can't wait to our next meet again, start counting. Take good care guys, will be missed ! I don't know why, I feel so bad. Trying hard to comfort myself, none of the decision is wrong, so don't regret. Once a decision had made, don't look back. Walk your way. I couldn't be meet a nice person right here if I stay with them. So there's no a specific true or false, let it go. Take it as a lesson, think twice, think thrice next time. My dream, when can it be reality ?

Life goes on...

It was a normal school day. Time flies. One more week left to pre exam lecture, 3 more weeks to external practical exam. Teachers always blame me for not attending class. So this will be a super stressful exam. Couldn't manage to fail any part of it. I wonder when i start unbalance my work and study. I prefer working, really. Have a great talk with my 2 hubby which work  same company as me. Through them, I knew more details about the "superlady" manager. I admire her. She hold this position for almost 10 years and I always ask myself how come she manage to do that. She is one of my role model ! From today onwards, i should stop all my childish, foolish and silliness. Imma 19 this year, will probably end my syllabus in 20. 4 years more to the target I set to myself. And all along these years, I will choose to be staying with you. This is the last week of the month, yet I'm still unsatisfied with my achievement. How? feel so useless when comparing with others. People always told me don't compare since comparison depressed yourself. Comfort myself while lonely whereby warm myself up when alone, this is how I go through my life. Over this 19 years, I never want to be in a relationship. I don't know why but I just did. Single could be so pretty awesome. The only bad is you've no one listening to you when you face problems. And this is the biggest problem of mine now. These few months, many of my friend get married, quite shock but honestly about marriage, I never think of it. About one of the marriage, I'm not shock when knew about it meanwhile I'm sad. He was the one who care for me along my whole form 2 in secondary school. Suddenly, all those memories burst in my brain. But still congratulation for him. Best wishes from piggy to you, be a good daddy. This nickname should be shut down forever. Our first lion dance camp will be my sweet memory indeed. All these is not the main idea of my life at this moment, envy most of them sometimes but what should I do now is fighting for my future. " Destined lonely road to success ". I admit that I'm greedy, I just want to be outstanding. Don't stop me. Can you be there with me? I would appreciate you with life if you could accompany me along the way to my destination.

今天没有别人努力，明天就会被别人超越。《李嘉诚名言》

永远成功的秘密，就是每天淘汰自己，

你不与别人竞争，并不意味着别人不会与你竞争，

你不淘汰别人，就会被别人淘汰，

别人进步的同时，你没有进步，就等于退步。

成功的路上并不拥挤，因为坚持的人不多。亲爱的，加油了。

无论你今天要面对什么，既然走到了这一步，就坚持下去，给自己一些肯定，你比想象中坚强。
没有人知道上天为什么要给我们诸多试练，但请让我们记住：我们所受的痛苦，永远不白费。
没有人完美，也不能说服每个人觉得你好，做好自己就好。

就算全世界觉得我好你觉得我不好，我都会难过；

就算全世界觉得我不好你觉得我好，我都会足够。

有你真好

It was like a dream. Turned over my head and I saw a familiar back view. Awwww, why are you here? But I'm glad that you came. Thought that I'm not going to meet you up this week and I was all in depressed. Went back from toilet and saw you. Big big smile in me. Why I was always in a mess during every sudden visit of yours? My face was in a mess, a deep shit. Like always, I feel like want to meet you up so badly each time when I was tormented by all those grievance. How  many days till our  next meet again ? Without telling any single words, all these will be emptied when you're here. Never expect to see you today, not much talk but fine. Standing right behind you, why I found out that you become slimmer after suffering from sickness for two weeks ? :( Seriously, I just want you to be healthy. Don't ever ask me who is this person ? You just have to know that he meant too much. There is no such thing relate to love. All of this is because in this strange city, he is the one who build up my way, point me to walk through, and lead my way. Each time I met obstacles and having negative mind set, I will recall what he told me before, his face, his performance could bring me lots of energy to move on. And he is one of the reason why I can stay still until today. I told myself I must be same with him someday in the future, so that's my target to go. It's one of the best thing in life to have you living in my mind. Waiting and waiting, looking forwards for you to bring me to another stage in life. It might be hardly to meet you in next month. I will keep my result and performance , don't worry. Focus on what you do now and wish you every success in your business. Hope to hear from you soon. Take good care of your "easily sicky" body. See you soon. Remain the same, thank you for everything. Still, he is my world best boss.  SALUTE! *

这是星期天的故事：今天一大早就好委屈，细节就不详细说明了。为什么很多时候啊，我总觉得别人喜欢欺负我？从小就只有我欺负人，没有人会欺负我的过着我霸道的生活。生活把我宠坏了。还记得form 5 那年的我，从 5S3 转到 5S1 的时候，我的 “美中爸爸”， Mr Yong 把我拉在他身边，跟班上的同学说你们不可以欺负她。现在想起来还真好笑，谁敢欺负我啊？我可是每天都呆在副校长室里跟我的“美中妈妈”聊天的呢。哈哈！这些人啊，都把我宠坏了。在外面啊，目前为止还没找到会宠坏我的人，所以就总觉得被欺负了。严格来说应该是社会的现实给了我这样的假象。这种世界啊，真的让我长大了不少。可能对于很多年纪比我大的人，会觉得我很没用，一点点委屈就哭，真是一个窝囊废。入世未深的小孩，就原谅我吧。我很容易把情绪都写在脸上，什么都被看穿了，很傻啊，不过我就是这个样子。我会长大的，很快的，很快会适应这样的生活，然后就没那么容易一点点就哭了。今天是spm成绩放榜日，一年了。一年前，拿着我的成绩，哭了。人生中的第一个遗憾，我欠了妈妈一句对不起。不是她对我的要求高，而是打从心里觉得对不起苦心栽培我的她。今天又想了好多好多，我只想快点毕业。给了自己一个好艰难的目标，希望在21岁把它完成。 每个月的第三个星期，都会很期待commission, 但是这个月并没有，但是还是拿了不应该拿的数目。突然好内疚，不过还是谢谢了。亲爱的你，希望你四月过来看到我的成绩没有失望。同事间的竞争越来越大，压力越来越大，笑声越来越少了。我真的不知道处于这个位置的我，别人是怎样看我的，不过我不会太在意，我把我应该做的做好就是了。是时候把遗憾遗忘，继续过好我现在的生活。频频回头的人走不了远路 。这个总每天把我当小孩般疼爱的人，感谢你。可能对你来说没啥特别。对我而言，这就是一种非一般的疼爱。我很贪心的，可不可以霸占？人间总有聚有散，可是真的很怕那一天的到来。怕哪一天我们散了，就不会再聚了，我会很舍不得的。 ;(

感谢你生病了都还为我配上新眼镜。我会好好珍惜它，当然你也是。祝愿你健康！

放心，你不在我会很乖的。只是希望其他人，不了解我的人，不要再对我的所作所为有任何批评了，拜托，我需要指点，但是不需要指指点点。我知道我小，不过真的很多时候不需要那样对我，我不说，可是我是真的看懂你们在做什么。我只是什么都告诉自己无所谓。我不需要全世界觉得我好，只要在你这里你觉得我好就好，够了。

面对这样竞争的生活，我无法改变，但是我会改改我的心态，我会乐观面对一切。输赢不重要，问心无愧就好，很多时候，很多事情，我无能为力。

如果这世界上真有奇迹，那只是努力的另一个名字。我会加油的，不会让你的疼爱白白给，不会让你的栽培一场空，然后我告诉自己总有一天我要变成你的骄傲。让你有一天能够骄傲的跟别人说出：这就是我的爱将！

埋葬在遗憾里的梦想

昨晚，就和一位一年不见的朋友聊到了深夜，答应她会到机场给她送机，还剩下不到一个月的时间就要飞到印度去了，去完成她的医生梦。说了很多，我是从心里深深的羡慕，深深的羡慕他们的执着，他们的坚持，他们的毅力，我也可以的，只不过一年前的我放弃了。一年了，我终于有勇气把它写出来了，写着写着，又哭了一遍。我有我的理由和原因，不要问我为什么，现在回想起来，心中难免还是有些纠结，应该不是后悔，只是那感觉好深奥，我形容不了。一切都还那么清晰，家里的所有人都反对我的放弃，甚至都不听我的电话了，还记得妈妈对我说："妹，你舍得就这样放弃你从小的梦吗？不是不肯你回家，只是怕你后悔了。"除了想家以外，我还有我的原因的。那时，只有爸爸赞同我回家，不过我想他也不希望我放弃的，只不过不忍心一直听我哭。不了解我的人应该觉得我很不孝，浪费了钱，又喜欢哭，完全就是一个娇身惯养的千金。如果你真的那么觉得我，那你真的错了，我不是不能独立，只不过我爱我爸爸妈妈的程度好像过剩了。我这个天生就是个悲伤主义者，很多东西都往坏一面想，我会觉得离开爸爸妈妈身边或许就一辈子了。我会想得很远很远，也不知道为何自己这个样子。我会想出去读书以后，大半年才可以回家一次，几个月不见，爸爸妈妈又会老了一些，每次往往想到这个，我就会泪流满面，我也痛恨自己怎么可以有这样的想法。真的很羡慕那些都往外飞的朋友，他们怎么可以两年都不回家。医生，是我从小的梦想，小时候总是叫我们填什么志愿的，我记得有五个空格，可以填写五个，我毫不犹豫地从一到五都填了医生。真的不是想想而已的。小学时，有个什么小小医生计划的东西，当然我是其中一个。小时候，天真幼稚，很开心可以穿着医生袍站在台上，给其他同学致词。我们大家都还一起参观了好多医院。有一次还参观了中央医院手术室，太多回忆了，照片都还留着。上了中学以后，我的愿望依然没变，这样平淡的过了五年。中学毕业了，考试考完了，开始计划未来了，那个时候最彷徨无助，没有人能帮你决定未来。其实家人不是很赞同我读医，妈妈怕我累坏了，怕我压力过渡，还没毕业就忧郁症，他们建议我读什么光学的，也就是我现在读的。当我决定以后我告诉妈妈需要好多钱，因为这学校高水准，成绩再好都没有奖学金的。爸爸却说："让她去吧，再贵都让她去，我们就两个女儿，给了她好的学校，好的教育，就等于给了她最好的未来，这就是我们能给她们一辈子最好的礼物。" 爸爸的话，我一辈子都不会忘，他太爱我们了。妈妈却开着玩笑说：爸爸说让你去，钱是他赚的，让你去读医生了，我们也要更努力找钱了。" 那时的我好开心，开始准备着一切，妈妈也还钱给学校了。妈妈总是世上最伟大的，爸爸说他就不送我去了，因为他会不舍得，所以就把这重任交给了老妈。离别的那个早上，我忍住不哭的，可是看见爸爸偷偷的用衣服擦了擦眼角，一句再见都没说，只叮咛我要小心，要照顾自己。上了车，我疯狂的哭了，我跟妈妈说：爸爸哭了，妈妈却温柔的说：能不哭吗，依偎在我们身边18年了，突然要大半年不见，怎么习惯呢？终于都来到这个陌生的城市，一切办妥后，我就留在宿舍了，眼送妈妈回家，我很委屈，可是我没有哭。几天之后，终于都忍不住了，打电话给妈妈说我好想念你们。一开始上课，就那么正经了，告诉我们医生路一点都不容易走，废话，这是世界上所有科系里最煎熬的一科，还有就是毕业以后要面对这种现实的社会，有钱就先医你，没钱就放一边去先，怎么了？世界怎么那么糟糕啊？还有很荒唐的是，医学界也有拼业绩这回事? 若没有达到业绩标准就要打包回家？那太悲惨了。也不知道这些到底是不是事实，只是听了有点心寒。读医完全就是一件很昂贵的消费，100万现金，五年，差不多是这样。比起很多同学，我没有他们家那么富裕，有法拉利跑车，有皇宫似的家，但是至少也有能走的代步工具，我也有能遮风挡雨的家。他们要读医完全不是问题，爸爸妈妈也努力给了我想要的，只是自己的脑袋心脏不争气罢了。窝在那里一个星期，想了很多，终于放弃了。戴博士说过：放弃比成功容易很多，放弃只需要一分钟，可是成功却要一辈子的坚持。那个心情至今依然清晰，应该说，除非有天我失忆，否则我应该永远忘不了。我有我不想说的原因，没有后悔， 只是从小的梦想，我对不起你，我只能永远把你留在遗憾里了。这件事应该会跟随我，折磨我一辈子。可能对于有些人来说，梦想不算什么，梦想嘛，想想就好。我真的不一样，真的跟大家不一样。对于那些在赶路追逐梦想的朋友们，你们的第一步好成功，真心祝愿你们真的成功！我相信上帝总有他的原因，让我做这样的选择，亲爱的父，请你继续在我前面指引。妈妈总是不离不弃，来读了我现在读的东西，回想起那段筹备时间，还蛮搞笑的，每天坐在妈妈身边吹水，什么鬼都讲，妈妈还说：如果你这一次又想回家，爸爸妈妈还是欢迎的。听到这里，又感动又想笑。回家可以呀，有车驾，妈妈还钱， 吃喝玩乐，妈妈还钱。那么这样我不是废才一个吗？妈妈辛苦栽培了我18年，一个成绩标青的小孩，为什么要过上那样颓废的生活？所以又重新出发了。我在这里过得还不赖，八个月了才见了爸爸妈妈两次。经一事，长一智，妈妈说我出来以后长大好多，其实我也是那么觉得。很多不能的东西都变能了，很多害怕的东西原来我也能克服了，很多做不到的东西也终于做到了。这几个月，我变了，所有的伤痛都能倔强的自己扛，我变的顽强了，更像一个仙人掌了，随便丢到哪都能活了。这几个月，生活告诉我，不是每个人都愿意陪你经历所有。这几个月，我明白了，没有谁会像父母一样一直包容并原谅你。这几个月，生活告诉我，命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求。这几个月，生活告诉我，不用去羡慕别人，自己也会过得好！上天不给我的，无论我十指怎么紧扣，依然走漏；给我的，无论过去我怎么失手，都会拥有。
我在面子书看到了一篇意义深重的文章：
【看完，你会成熟很多】

1。姥姥去世了。
妈妈平静地处理完后事，
晚上回来她栽倒在床上抽泣道：“女儿，你知道吗，妈妈没有妈妈了……”我顿时心酸至极。

2。出国一年，
回来时妈妈已患上老年痴呆，
迷迷糊糊，不认人。
我走到床边看她时，她竟忽然冲我笑了，说：“你胖了。”

3。今天坐火车，
两个老婆婆坐在我身边，
其中一个是来送另一个的，
两人双手拉在一起不停念叨着。
要发车了，
一个老婆婆下车，
回头说了句话－“姐啊，今年我89岁，你90岁，这是我们这辈子最后一次见面了……”

4。小区里有个小朋友刚出生不久妈妈就去世了，
一直都是奶奶带着。
有一次小朋友对她奶奶说：“我偷偷叫你一声妈妈可以吗？”

5。家里买了一台大电视，
我想放客厅，
可老妈想放他们卧室，
一直争执不下，
最后还是老妈妥协了。
很多年过去了，
有天老妈发信息：电视放我和你爸卧室其实是想让你能来我们屋看，
这样可以多陪陪我们……当即释怀，忍不住大哭。

6。我问老公：“如果是我得了绝症，
你会给我治吗？”老公快睡着了，
迷迷糊糊说：“别瞎说……倾家荡产也得治！”
我说：“如果你得了呢？”老公：“那就不治了。
剩下你一个人，挣钱不容易。”

7. 那是一次“意外”，
我拿老公的手机玩，无意间看到一条短信，
那是爸爸去世前和我老公见面没多久后发的
－“今天我把我的宝贝交给你了，
拜托你一定要好好照顾她，
我到天堂都会感激祝福你的。”
几年来，一想到这件事不知哭晕多少次。

8. 在外第一个春节坐火车回家带了一瓶绿茶，
妈妈说：“我从来没有喝过这个东西，
真好喝。”

9. 爸妈离婚后我跟了老妈。
等老爸有了自己另一个家，
另一个女儿，
我就觉得自己是多余的，
即使再难也绝对不给老爸添麻烦。
后来有件事还是得要他帮忙，
然后事成了，于是发短信给爸爸说谢谢，
短信上打出“谢谢”两字时，
我心里痛得跟抽筋一样。
过了很久，
爸才回复我，只有两字：傻瓜！

10. 爷爷拉着我说：“我很好，别担心，
你自己在外面注意身体，
多吃点好吃的……”
明明在饭桌上，
我只看到一小盘咸菜孤独的摆着，
眼前顿时模糊一片，
那天是他 80 岁 的生日啊~~~

11。爸爸一次重病，
在床上躺了大半个月都没醒，
后来在一个下午突然醒了.
醒来时他嘴一直在动，
妈妈把耳朵凑近了对他说：“你慢点说，我听着呢。” 爸很虚弱说：“女儿该放学回家了，你去把饭做了吧

12。高三那年，
外婆问我想考哪里 我说当然是北京,
外婆说就考本地嘛离得近 ,
我就笑着哈拉过去.
高考前一个月，
外婆去世了，
选择都没留给我.
外婆去世第二天，
家里上上下下忙着张罗各种事,
大人都在楼下搭着的灵堂忙.
我到楼上找外公,
外公一个人坐在藤椅上,
看到我来了，
强挤出笑脸说：“孙女，怎么办哟，以后咱家订的牛奶也没人喝了?” 我背过身去大哭

13。大年三十晚上，
因为在外地加班不能回家过年，
虽然爸爸知道我不回去
但他还是一个人冒着刺骨寒风到人烟稀少的小车站一直一直的等，妈妈叫他回来 　　
可爸却说：“万一她是骗我们的呢，万一她晚上就回来了呢。” 　　后来听到妈妈给我说这件事的时候，我心里面就像被锤子狠狠的砸着那么难受。

14。大学后的第一个寒假，
妈开始学习发短信。
我是个没耐性的人，
本来几句话的东西，
却嫌她手脚太笨，
便没耐心教下去了。
晚饭后，妈和老爸在房间里看电视，我在练听力，那时候还用复读机，恍惚间感觉有东西干扰，手机进条短信，只有5个字，妈妈问：儿，你在干嘛？

15。小时候爸爸喂我药，我呛到了，妈妈就把他骂出去了。
后来妈妈问姐姐爸爸哪去了，
姐姐说爸爸在外面哭。



（转自面子书）我对这篇文章特别感同身受，我特别爱我的爸妈。
还记得过年时我们一家到台湾旅行，因为要做工的关系，不能陪着他们多玩几天。
那个街头，我和他们分离了，又几个月的煎熬。我其实蛮坚强，原本没有打算流着泪回，可是我看见妈妈的眼角挤满泪，不舍得的跑向妈妈抱着她，不理别人的眼光，就大声的埋头在妈妈的衣服里哭。妈妈的体温在那天冷的过度更显得温暖。抽泣得说我很想回家，她却说再怎么想家，都不可以回，等你可以回的时候再回吧，总安慰我说时间很快的。那时候已经找不到爸爸的影子，他老早躲到车上去了，他害怕离别的场景。我又何尝不是？分离在陌生的国度，搭着高铁自己去到桃园机场，回到我的繁忙生活。亲爱的你们，一定要身体健康，希望你们事业顺利，这是我给你们的新年祝福。我会好好过我的生活！


现在的我，已经和同年龄的大家有所不同，面子书我看的是时事新闻，读的是经典语录，创业家名言，什么韩剧 《继承者们》 ， 《来自星星的你》， 我通通没看，这是长大的征兆吗? 出来大半年以后，我仿佛被洗脑了一番，看见年纪轻轻就成功的你，把你视为榜样，因为无论怎样我都要求自己像你一样。把我们的合照放在我每天都会看到的地方，这是一种激励，也是我前进的动力。开始在爸爸妈妈的辅助下，策划我的未来，我在走我自己的路，希望一切安好。
风雨中没有伞的孩子，要奔跑！
给自己多一个3年的时间，我不需要很出色，但是我不要太平凡，我会很努力的爬，爬到自己心中设下的巅峰！


完。感谢阅读。
 

Don't give up !

Hey it's now night time again, ohh nope it should be it's bedtime again. And again, I'm here again. During every bedtime, I lie on bed, every details of the day will flew in my mind, remind and replay me what had happened all day long. Of coarse, I always overthink at this moment. Not what special post, not relate to what #prayforMH370 , just a random blog post posting about my work today. Please allow me to out of topic for a moment, I felt sympathy for all those casualty of the flight MH370 from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. Pray for the best, but prepare for the worst. The possibility of survival is nearly zero percent. Anyway, just pray. You all have my heartfelt condolence. Back to my topic. Nowadays, I'm really stressed to the max I guess. Don't blame me for having a greedy mind, but that's me. Please accept. Every month besides the target set by manager, I would always give myself a personal target and it's always higher. And I would tell myself every month I want to be the top. Yes when I want, I really want. There is a well said quote:" when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will success" but, B..U..T ! Sometimes many things will out of our expectation, when you work hard, but without any luck. Or when you have luck, you lack of knowledge. That's what I face deep inside me during every working day of mine. To become the top of the month, I don't know how much effort had I put. It's worth  if I achieved what I want. There had been once, it's nearly end of the month,  and I already keep the distance around 10k between the second top, but at last I still drop from the first to the second. I will always bear in mind about that month. So unforgettable ! Lesson learnt was : you are strong, but remember there is always people stronger than you ! So stay humble pretty. You know how stressed am I ? But all these is what I gave to myself. It's only the seventh day of march's  working days, today is Sunday. I should have a good sales amount. But then so sad to tell, things went wrongly. Didn't manage to do even 2k. Put my hand around my heart and asked: what happened to you today ? Why hand in so bad result? I didn't get any response yet. Even I myself couldn't answer that. Normally during every night phone call to mum, she usually ask me about the business of the day , she cares about my working too. Few months ago will keep on telling her no matter happy or upset with my daily target. Expected, she often comfort me said that you're still new to this environment, couldn't compare with them. I knew mama just want to comfort and make me feel better. Thanks for her concern but I think that's not an acceptable  excuse for not being a top. Start from March, once I want to be the top, yea that's me don't ask me why. This is my overbearing manner, forgive me about that. And also start from March, I didn't tell mummy about my sales stuffs , I know that she will worry about my health and also the mentally balancing of mine. To minimize her worry, I avoid to tell her. She usually encourage me to do better. That's my mom. I love her. No one could know what's on my mind. I know what I want and I will always walk that way to get it. First week of March gone and I finally climb to the top. But can or can't I stay ? Depends on this coming week. All competitors are so strong , and somehow I felt breathless of this situation. No worry, I'm fine, very fine. The left over few months of full time job, let me be the top, yes just few more months ! Started  turn into a silent mode during work, don't ask me why I became so quiet. Silence is the biggest cry of a girl. I'm stressed but yet excited. 3 more weeks to go, if I still can't to be the top, i will accept it proudly since I had tried my best and no regret. I need more knowledge and experience and whenever I have enough of both of these, there is no more any other reason to be the second. I swear to myself and I hope I can do it, one day.. One day in future. Tiring stressed Sunday ended. Will have Monday blue again tomorrow I think so. Will stop myself from that and keep on fighting. Many things to be done next week, time please flies I want to graduate faster. Due to sickness, I couldn't imagine my presentation using this sexy sicky ducky voice , might be very comical. Lie on bed and still non stop coughing, when can I recover ? Please, get well soon. I need more energy, more healthier body to fight against all the competitors ! Dear Lord, strengthen me. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me" Philipians 4:13 Good night people on earth, and good night to the one I care and love which is far from me. Take good care and see you ! Pray for MH370, pray for myself. Don't give up on hope !

mini update

Today is my second rest day of the week. Boredom strikes me at this moment and so why I'm here. Just renewed my blog's outlook. A piece of sky, telling myself to be happy everyday. Quite in love with everything in blue color and I hope you can drop by and to have some read. I was so sick these few days. Hyper bad headache and sore throat. Both the pain were ridiculous. Whenever I moved my neck around, the pain started to rise from my neck to the top of head. Not only that I felt like there is a hoe inside my throat, even pain during chewing food. What's wrong with me? I don't know, I just know that the pain almost fainted me. In addition, I still suffered in between hotness and coldness.

I can shivering although the fan is off, which I was wrapped in two layer blankets. After having paracetamol, or normally people called it panadol for around one an hour, I started to feel the hotness spread all over my body. I still felt hot when the fan already turned to its maximum. This fluctuation certainly kept me occupied. Today was the third day I was in this condition. When can I get better? Stop having medicine today and seriously hope it won't come back anymore. Didn't take medical leave since I saw a conductivity form that day. Having 3 medical leave in one quarter (three months) considered a discipline problem. Since I was in KL, I get sick easily, almost once every 2-3 weeks. I myself worried about this too. To left over a good impression towards HQ, so I avoid to take leave, just hope to have a beautiful record. I have too much of great expectations for this company. Lets time proved me everything. Should have rest earlier tonight to prepare myself for the early morning training tomorrow. Thanks for the training anyway it's for everyone here. Would you come unexpectedly again tomorrow ? Don't think so. But no worry, I will be an obedient girl especially when you're not around. Look forward for our next meet and next talk. Please I hope you bring me some good news 4 days later.

Look at this photo. I love it so much. What a silly girl. I can be mature and yet sometimes I can be childish and foolish too. Please forgive me since I'm just 19 years old. But mentally I think that I live a 28 years old lady's life. Whatever, 3 words to sum up everything: LIFE GOES ON.
Put your trust in me, and I will show  you a better and better me day by day. Please wait patiently for my flying colors.
Couldn't manage to fall for you at this age, but can always keep you in my prayer.
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Take good care and good night.
Don't sleep late.

Sunny Sunday & Moody Monday

Hey, I'm here again. Yea I don't know why I came here, but I just did. The first weekend of March just ended yesterday. And today is the first Monday of the month. Firstly, I should say that it is a stressful month. 3 out of 31 days had passed, and that's my conclusion for March. Quite a strong compete lie between every colleagues here. Everyone is smiling, but I feel like wanna know what hide deep inside everyone of them. To come along with the circumstance, sure I smiled too. To fight for personal target and group target, one and all never sit there chit chat nor playful like before. Before I got the chance to walk front, they already started their footstep forward. Timidity rose like rocket in me. I scared, I really scared. If this situation last long until the end of the month, how would I be ? Totally couldn't imagine, in other words I don't even dare to imagine. In another way round, I whispered to myself, a strong person can never scare of his/her rival. A strong person is always strong no matter how tough the situation . Confidence will always make you win. Having self confident at first will aid your way to success. All these sound so cruel right ? This is real hectic life , if i reject to compete with them, I can only stay at the same point all the time. I fight, for my survival. Anyway all these are not harmful, but bring out the best of everyone. Thank you for all the challenging, you will never beat me down but  create a better and better me. Yesterday was an unlucky day, so far for me is like that. It was a brand new day after Saturday, it was another chance. Thing always  went opposite with what you thought it would be. 8th months here, this was my first time serving  a customer for almost 2 hours and then lastly waving goodbye and say thank you to me. The feeling was terrible, I can't even describe. Even though how disappointed you are towards the customer, you still have to calm yourself down and say : thank you for coming, hope to see you soon. I wonder what's the problem. Finish explaining everything to him, I requested him to wait for a while for eye test. Refraction room was free and yet optician were all occupied, not available at that moment. Few minutes later he asked why I cannot check. Hey you! If I can then you already no need wait la, you very hurt me you know. Zzz then he left , refuse to wait. Well, I watched him go silently, couldn't do anything. I'm sorry for letting him go, but who come and tell me what should I do ? The super upset feeling stayed in my mind for around fifteen minutes, I sat inside the lab, staring at the edging machine. Fifteen minutes later, went out of the lab and motivate myself don't to lost spirit. If not, the same situation in February will repeat all over again. That was a bad month, since I don't have any spirit to fight, no target for myself and my everyday spent was like a zombie lifestyle. I never want it to repeat anymore. Stand up and told myself, all retail sales require much patience . Take it easy since you'll  often face the same thing if you decide to explore in this piece of land. I'm the kind of person who always want everything to be perfect, I scared of mistakes. Yesterday I accidentally spoilt the lab' s table with super glue. And the table was in a mess now. I tried many way but still can't remove them. I hate myself for being so careless, in Chinese it is something "stupid hand stupid leg" I don't know how to tell my boss I spoilt his belongings and tho I don't want he come at this particular moment. This morning, got a call from HQ, invoices have some mistakes. Went to check the record: it was my wording. HOLY. In my mind: ohhh shit, what shit had I done again? Why I mistake again ? At the moment  I'm struggling with the invoice stuffs, a familiar sunshine face appeared in front of me. Why are you like playing hide and seek? The action was just so funny and when I recalled now I still laugh non stop. I smiled crazily deep inside cause I knew that everything will be fine when you're here. Be brave, I apologize for my clumsy. Your reply was so unexpected ! I had been worried too much all day long. Yes, I admitted the one hour presence of you lighten my whole moody Monday. Problem solved and my heart was in party mode. Teehee :D Nowadays quite often I walked back home after work. I have one super lovely colleague, I love her but we are totally different race, different religion, different background, this is so called "1 Malaysia " . She always knew what happened with me. She sent me back just now and talked a lot with me. She can always exactly felt the way I felt. Without telling her anything, she knew that I'm not okay today and will never ask me why. She told me she always got my feeling. Yes I love her the most here, but sometimes I really get angry with her handwriting, I can't even read. Of course that's small matter. She always showed me good food, good photo, told me what had she ate as supper, and sometimes brought me for good food. We can talk about everything and for the first time I owned a different race close friend. She was 7 years older than me  but was totally act like same age with me sometimes. About other colleagues, don't have too much to say, wishing we are always in harmony and fight for higher sales so we can stand on the stage during annual dinner 2014. Team, fighting ! I'm the youngest among all, but why my spirit to fight is the highest among them ? Is it I have some mental problem ? Haha. Lying on bed to write this post, 1am now, couldn't think of what to write anymore, brain stuck, it reminds me to sleep now. Before I end this, happy birthday to my gay colleague ! I think I'm the  only one who do so, he is human being too, don't  ostracize him please. We should keep this harmony. I like to write about my work here , I couldn't imagine if one day my colleagues read all these. It must be very awkward. If they do, enjoy reading :) It's Tuesday now, my favorite day of the week . See you later boss da ren ! Tomorrow is another day  motivates me to work harder ! 

BELLO, MARCH =)

Bello (hello in minion language) ! BELLO MARCH, it was finally the start of march. Yes, February had finally came to an end. March, it's a fighting month. Hey competitors, i'm back ! I'm fully charged during the last whole month and once again an energetic shi hien is here. I did so badly in my exam few days ago. The anxious and insecurity kept me occupied. I told myself to put the exam aside and let's focus on my job this month. Yes, yes i'm 19 years old, only 19, but i started fully participate in my job, my first job last year. Don't ask me why i started so early, this is my choice, i have my own reason. Please let me walk my path, don't comment, don't bother, don't judge about any decision of mine if you never know what had i came along throughout the long tough 2013. Well, never expect readers to be fully understand about my job, but this is my blog, not much people will drop by, and my memory is limited, i feel like jot down them so that i smile a little bit more someday when i look back. You may stop reading and leave now if you smell boredom and feel annoyance. 1st of March, the boss came and meeting with us. Of coarse, i never call him manager nor boss when face by face. i apologize for that but i strongly feel that we are closer when calling up your name. You know you have my fullest respect. i'm glad to see you today. Nothing special, because i was relief each time you were here, it seem all my problems diminished and get solved if you're around. And when you're around, all i can do is smile. =) i got the main point of the meeting and quickly i sensed the stress. it was about our sales target stuffs. Alright i knew that it was the company's rule, i will just obey and try my best. Stand beside the door, you asked me why always sleep so late. Hey i'm not sleep late. Just sometimes couldn't fall asleep and need someone elder to listen to me, you're the first who pop out in my mind, rolling down whatsapp and saw that you're still online. I started then express everything through words but always didn't send at last. You're not here everyday, it definitely slower down my improvements in eyewear knowledge. The eighth month of being 'eyewear stylish' (new title given from company) , not really in love of it seriously. Momma told me who isn't start from low position ? Don't be too upset, do your part and appreciate this position since every month you're getting nearer to wave goodbye to this. I will really enjoy the left over 14-19 months of this. Somehow, i was doomed when they always talked about something that i don't even know, such as phoropter and slit lamp. Guess what? I never want to ask, and what i do is google search, haha. Google always help ! I don't want to be slow and that's why i did all these. i will learn soon in class and i'm so looking forward for this and same goes to the refraction class. Refraction class starts soon, i'm so excited yet worried. I haven prepare myself for that. Sit in front of the computer at the cashier, often read those email from HQ, always knew about the training they provided. Each time scrolled down the name list of attendee, i admired ! i admired them who hold the chance to attend training. I'm hoping for improvements and so for sure I'm waiting for training, any training, whatever training. Although those kind of training is really quite boring sometimes, i know i must be learning something new through that. Whatever, as a conclude i just wanna graduate faster so i'm qualified for those'sound so nice' training. Teehee. :D Days by days, my loyalty towards this company, ohh nope it should be this franchise is magnified ! I don't know why, without any reason, i just willing to complete every single stuffs here. Paper work and even cleaning. It's my responsibilities and i just wanna do that ! I dislike sometimes what they had done was in a mess, i cannot accept that and so i will do them quietly somewhile. Seriously i wish i didn't over took their job. Viewing the new pasted sales target on the white board, i shouted to myself: DO THAT ! YOU ALWAYS CAN ! . Please, don't be too disappointed with my reply about the target just now, did you look through my mind this time? Actually, i don't have much confident on it. but as long as if you put the trust on me, you think i can achieve, then i will always try my best to prove that you're right. i found out that actually we had quite few similar part. You said you always want to be the top, and so do i. I always have that greedy opinion. I know this should be controlled, don't over. But still, i haven manage to do so but i'm learning every single day. During the free time today, i played with some customer unwanted lenses. I found it inside the drawer, it was quite big size and i found another smaller frame. i started to modify it to fit the frame. it took me thirty to forty five minutes if not mistaken. i'm really happy for that. it was my second pair of modification. it was very ugly i knew that, so what? i'm so happy with that. What a silly. Alright, i think it had been too long and it's now late midnight. My talent scout, you will never walk alone. Lastly, i don't know what should i say besides thank you. Thank you for your concern, thank you for everything you provide, thank you for everything you taught. Please, take my words as consideration. Rest earlier and take good care. Goodnight, i appreciate you in life. Stay tuned for my excellence. Cheers ! Have a restful night and see you !


LITTLE PART TODAY, BIGGER PORTION TOMORROW ! 

请看见我发出的紧急讯号灯

心情欠佳，所以又心血来潮来这里了。步入第八个月了，我啊，过得不好也不坏。我不知道最近的自己怎么了， 脸上挂不出一丝笑容，却怎么也哭不出来。我知道这是长大的征兆。还有两天就考试了，严格来说是剩下一天读书，我的心情七上八下，蛮紧张，因为从小成绩就不差，我接受不到如果我的成绩不是我的预想之内，上个学期好像也是这个样子，我有一个我很爱的朋友，我们在kepong聊到深夜，她也看我哭了一夜，她说：不要给自己太大压力，要兼顾上课和做工真的不容易，其中一方做得出色了，另一边就要牺牲了，毕竟坐跷跷板，有一个上，必有一个下。如果真的要两边都完美也不是不可以，只不过会累垮了自己。又到了考试边缘，我的狂想症又来了，无形的压力又袭击我了，这次情况好像恶化了，这个学期的功课显然比上个学期难很多，需要更努力应付考试，可是我看了两天，依然脑袋空空，我知道其实如果真的用心学，这一切真的不难，重点是我真的不懂自己怎么了，脑袋不肯运作了。 我很想能有个完全放松的几天，看场电影，走走街，唱唱歌，吹吹水什么的。半年了，好久没有坐在电脑前看戏了，韩剧，港剧，我完全是脱离了，球拍球鞋都挤满灰尘了，好久没运动了，肌肉都变肥肉了。我很清楚也很明白自己要什么，我知道要在短时间内达成我想要的，我就要付出异于常人的努力，这些消遣是一定要牺牲的了。我身心疲惫了。我热爱我的工作，所以工作时间还蛮容易过。来了这里两个月以后，因为有做工的关系，有了人生的第一份薪水，不多，但是还过得去的数目，就告诉了老妈，每个月请不要进钱给我，我怕我会乱用钱，她还真的没进给我了，突然要付起自己每个月的生活费，我好像瞬间长大了。疼爱我的妈妈应该不舍得我这样做的，总时不时问我够不够钱，不够钱要告诉她。虽然没能过上奢侈的生活，不过这样用自己的钱过生活还真有意义。每个月努力的把仅有的钱存起来，贵的食物想吃但不会去吃，想买的东西不可以买。以前的我不是这样的，我要什么肯定会给自己买的，出来以后，心智长大了，因为要妈妈让我学习用自己的钱过生活的日子，这是自己心甘情愿的，所以一点都不委屈，这是过渡期啊，我知道会过去的。每一天晚上，我总会打电话给妈妈，我不会把委屈告诉她，因为她肯定会担心，所以什么都统统往心里抛了，跟妈妈聊的话题从来就不正经，哈哈，因为我知道她听到我的大笑会觉得我过得还不错，听听妈妈的声音会感觉距离没那么远，心里也会好过一些，每天总喜欢跟她瞎说些有的没的，聊上半个小时才甘愿把电话放下。姐姐啊，总忙着读书，也没空理我过得好不好。我的委屈，应该跟谁说呢？跟我同年龄的人都还把自己藏在书海中，比我年长的，又害怕他们觉得我小小的压力怎么放大呢？所以我真的就什么都往心里吞啦。只有他，我看到他就会觉得我的所有委屈都变小了，看到他，我就会有满满的正能量，可是啊，我好久好久才能看到他一次，听听他的道理我会好过一些。只默默祈祷他过得一切安好。更糟的是，最近的天气太热了，这鬼天气严重的放大了我想家的意念。这里没有冷气，最大号的风扇都吹不凉闷热的房间，我可以半夜热到起来冲凉，冷冷的水我竟然没有发抖。已经穿着最少的衣服，可是依然感觉不知道从哪里冒出来的热热的气，我感觉我住在微波炉。以前在家的我，哪里有这种问题呢？每次还冷到把自己泡在热水中不愿意起来。出来了这么久，生病的次数数不清了，有时也不敢告诉妈妈我病了。生病也还是去做工，因为那是我的热诚，我的责任，我只是默默希望多年以后会有人看见这个渺小的我，我对这个公司抱着很大的期望。滴水之恩，乃泉涌相报。总有一天，我也要做个不平凡的女人。19岁的我，可是我感觉自己活着25/26岁人的生活，这感觉很不错。要承认一点，这生活有时很难挨。有时，我真的很想能有这么一个人可以听我说说我的生活，疏解我的压力，生病了要多休息，累了不要苦撑。我是个不随便关心别人的人，又有谁会来关心我啊？哈哈妙想天开。这个人可以不是爱人，不是家人。有时我也很矛盾，我也不喜欢随便跟别人说这些芝麻小事。不过有一个人，如果他关心起来，我一定会说给他听。因为也只有他的话，我听了会好过一些。 他是聪明人，我什么都不会说，只是希望，看看我的眼睛，能够看穿我的世界。憋了这么久，我真的谁都没说，有时还会到了深夜两三点还在烦着很多我不会的东西，迟迟不肯入眠。好几次，半夜三更开了whatsapp，写了一大堆想说的话，到最后都没有按下发送键，因为这是我自己的事，不关心的人，对于他们来说都是过分的打扰，所以又把一切吃回去，逼自己闭上眼休息。今天真的很颓废，脑袋空空，什么书都装不进，我很紧张，可是大脑不听话了，老师对不起了。把这一大堆都写出来了，也算是发泄了，感觉好多了。现在的我，只想快点毕业，快点快点！对于即将来临的考试，祝福自己，希望还过得去。今天不走，明天要跑了。跑吧，孩子，你不能让他失望的。总结，加油！来，赶快笑一个；看，委屈变小了！

一堂宝贵的课

终于又来到这个灰尘满满的部落格，允许我这篇用华语诠释，因为感觉这样意义深重。
希望你有天能够看到我所写的一切，不要责备，也不要生气我把你说的话都化为文字记录下来，我的脑有限，要留些空间记住你的脸，所以就把你说的话写下来，时时刻刻提醒自己你的每一句话。
二月份的我有点颓，有很想辞职的冲动，因为其实发生了很多事情，造成了种种不开心的因素，当然可能有些问题是因为我自己造成的，一个人，谁能不做错？
就老是跟妈妈说你是一个无论什么时候都能看穿我，看懂我的人，你知道我跟哪个同事好一些，不知道是好事或否，没关系。一个星期前，终于都看见你了，在心里说着好久不见。当时我在想：你发现我的不对劲了吗？你是大忙人，也不敢奢求你发现。就这样，昨天又因为要attend training所以没去上课，我好像逃课很多次了，不知道几时开始，我领悟了，也爱上做工多一些，不爱去上课，但是尽管多么的不喜欢还是要去。昨天一大早你就来了，穿了我最爱的深蓝色衬衫，很久很久了没看见这件衣，我也不知道为什么特别爱这个颜色穿在你身上。training完后，没有马上回家，只想逗留久一些。你问我有什么问题，其实我有的，满心都是问题，可是我每次都没问出来。你说我应该上上人生课，应该学习怎样做人。你跟我说了很多，我也不能一字不漏写完下来。把重要的记起来了。你告诉我做人要想得开，我们不能让全世界喜欢我们，但是让大部分人喜欢我们就够了。再好的人都会有人不喜欢。做人那么累干吗，别人不喜欢我们，不爽我们，痛苦的是他们，与我们无关。做了自己的份内事就好了，不要过分他人，做了应该做的就好，也不要要求什么，你会得到你应分得到的东西，遇到什么事情，不要逃避，要面对，我就是个喜欢逃避的家伙，好惨，不过我会努力改变的。这一个让我感悟最多：凡事，一笑置之，不要什么事情都告诉别人，静静就好。可是我觉得我憋住好难过...你还告诉我，我应该要有正能量，凡事往好一面想，自己会好过一点。你还说了，要感激批评你的人，他们才是真朋友。那些每天赞美你的人，放边去。突然想想，你还真的从来没赞美我什么，我不需要，我知道你会把一切看在眼里的。你说你的路从小就走得很辛苦，你好坚强，你也很成功，对不起为了教会我人生道理，提起了你不开心的往事。你说你在这行那么久了，没有什么很出色的员工除了那跟在你身边最久的两位，我就打从心里告诉自己我要做第三个！我不知道什么样的表现才算出色，不过往后的几个月，你放心吧，我会把自己调整好向前冲！这个月就真的非常对不起了，我不能达标。达标以后，就会有人不喜欢我了，不过，我不会再去在意他们怎样看我了，我知道很多事情，我不说，你都会懂。这样就够了。
以后阿，不管我做错了什么，一定要告诉我，不需要很婉转，因为我很笨的，有时是真的不懂哈哈。
亲爱的你，感谢这一路有你，我不会走的，我也懒的再去找个会像你一样对我那么好的人，我以后的路，可不可以不要放弃教导我？可不可以就这样请你指引我，带我走下去？
在我心里，你是我的伯乐，是一个我非常尊敬的人，希望时间会带我们走得远一些，希望有一天我也可以像你和大老板一样做称兄道弟的朋友，我知道可以的，需要时间。
没有要拍你的马屁，没有要讨好你，我觉得也没那个必要，也没想要得到什么利益，只是打从心里非常非常感激你教我的一切。不知道为什么其他人都不愿意跟你一起上班，我刚好相反，我每个月都会看看日历你几时会过来，会记录好要问你的问题，因为往往很多时候其他人都不是很愿意为我解答，难免有些许难过。你每次过来我都会长大一些，我是说心智，你的每一句话总会让我揣摸多次再慢慢消化。
一个人能走多远，要看她与谁同行，
一个人有多优秀，要看她有谁指点，
一个人有多成功，要看她有谁相伴。
跟对贵人！
先有伯乐，才有千里马。人是可以被教育的，前提是，你的伯乐在哪里？他是谁？他能让你成为谁？贵人是教育你建立正确思维，贵人是把你扶上马送你一程的人，是陪你走到胜利，
为你呐喊欢呼的人！
不知怎么言谢，如果当初你不愿意给我个学习成长的地方，或许我的人生真的改写了，不管怎样，真的谢谢你，我是真的不会让你丢脸，让你失望的。我会努力变成你的骄傲的！我会加油的！
几乎你每次过来，状况都不佳，都是生着病的，看你这样我很难过，
我知道很多时候你都是很累的，只是从来都没说
很想告诉你，人生苦短，何必弄累自己，要好好休息。
祝福你真的可以睡得好。
不要误会，这个真的纯属关心罢了，都几岁了，要好好照顾自己的。
你昨天又生病了，我太渺小，也不能多说什么，今天有没有好一点？照顾好身体，休息是为了走更长远的路。
我在天上的父，谢谢你把他安排在我身边，让我成长了那么多，
也请你帮我赐给他四样东西：平安、幸福、健康、快乐。



负担是礼物，你受的苦将照亮你的路。

all these SIXXXXX long months

FINALLY, there is WiFi over my condominium. And, FINALLY I got to online with pc. This was a diary which I jotted down in my small notebook DAYSSSSS ago and this will definitely be a very long update about every details of my living here for all these 6 months.. Well let's start. 10th August 2013, it was 14 days since I came here. The toughest time had gone, and I know that I'm one step closer to success. After few days here, I decide to live together with jiejie. Once again, (not because of homesick, seriously doesn't wish to waste mama's money to pay for double rental) , so I move all my things from hostel to pv16 (our condominium). Taxi is too costly, so LRT become my daily transport. Tuesday, I went to interview due to the need of the course. Working is one part of our learning so I have no choice. Yeap, I was hired by one well known M.O.G franchise outlet. I almost fainted when my senior manager told me about my working attire. Formal top, black skirt, black high heels, make up and tidy hair. I look so terribly old in formal. :(

this is the first photo of mine when working.I started my working and also so called "internship on 2nd August. Everything started with fear. I can't forget how terrible the feeling was when my first day of work. Days by days, I get used to the new environment. Every time I phoned to mama, I will have a strong feel that my tears gonna roll down, because nothing is easy outside.

this is one the way. There are lots and lots of motivation in Facebook or even twitter, I will always wrote them down and encourage myself to keep my head up and move forward whenever I feel like I want to give up.
26 of August, Jiejie was going back home. Oh gosh damn I guessed I must be cannot survive the months without her, cried a lot when she backed because she left something on the table.

this is just way too warm. Everyday kept on repeating the same routine. 10-10 working. Wednesday and thursday went for class. Time flies too fast which I can't even know the actual date of today.
31 August was my 18th birthday. It was an all alone birthday. All my course mates working or even out station. And so I went to KLCC myself, just walked and walked to release my stress.

It was not a special day though. Just a simple happy 18th birthday to myself. Of coarse I thanks a gang of my silly friends who sang happy earlier birthday to me in Neway karaoke 1 Utama. Yes i admitted that life is much more happier with their presence.

one of the silly girl. Went overnight at their place before exam. Am i cute ? Somehow sometimes i just hope that i can act silly like a child and never worry about tomorrow.

10/10/2013 was annual dinner of our company. Have a look with our costume ! 'WILD WILD  WEST' theme. Alright, the 2 beside me are my best soulmate along these 6 months. I am the youngest among them, they taught me a lot and a lot. I appreciate them in life. oh yeah, we were in love with Carlsberg, Heineken or whatever. We just enjoy drunk together and pour out everything.

They are my colleagues. M.O.G KL FESTIVAL TEAM aka DYLAN's team. Yes, 3 words to conclude about them-----my second family. Besides school days, I spent all my days with them from morning until night. They taught me a lot about lenses, frames, contact lenses and of coarse we are talking nonsense most of the time. Anyway, I can't imagine how my working life will be without them. 

 yes, the person in the photo is my boss. Photo taken during annual dinner 2013. A successful young man. He played the most important role along these 6 months. Well, I can't describe his generosity through words. It's too much to say. Thank you for your generosity and magnanimity of your offer. He never encourage me face by face, but he will just whatsapp me or through phone calls. I remembered I got a call from human resource department, apologize to me for delayed my confirmation letter. He cared about me and hope that I won't keep this in heart. Whenever I saw him, I was like spirit up up and vice versa. I can't promise you anything boss but i will never let you disappointed. Throughout all these 6 months, did you see my hard work and improvement ? I do hope you smile whenever you check with my performance. Take good care. If i can, I would just shout to the world that he is the world best boss. So far for me is like that. (Don't judge me if you're not clear with the situation.) 

09/11/2013, date went home, photo taken exactly the date. Like a boss. Guess what, home is always the best. It was only 5 days home but it's enough. My heart "squeezed" for some moments when I saw my parents. I love them. so love them. Thanks for giving me this wonderful life. 

After one week home, I backed to KL again. 23/11/13 was the lovely's convocation. I'm here to represent dad and mum to apologize to you that they couldn't make it to your diploma graduation. I'm so sorry but please forgive them. You knew the reason. She was my jiejie, one and only sibling. We were close since childhood, seldom quarrel and she always left over the best stuff for me. It was her convocation day. Congratulation for graduate with distinction on Biology and Chemistry. I love you anyway. 

Graduation night, I brought her for some awesome foods. We went to hard rock cafe for our dinner. It was an expensive dinner but as long as she is smiling, everything is worth. She is my one and only sister. Who to love if I didn't love her? 

this is me. Am i cute ? ^^ Mummy called me little pink lion. haha. I thought it should be little pink pig. Just a random photo on bed. Life outside is tough but I have been going through six months. 

This is a girly me with a super mature deary. It was her birthday party that day. We went for sushi buffet together shopping together and barbeque together. Even sleep with her that night.Absolutely unforgotten sweet day. Whenever I was stressed with work or study, she will be there. Still remember, there was one night, we went for bak kut teh at kepong area, nearly midnight that time. It was a heart talk night and she wiped over my tears. Girl, you're truly loved. 

Sometimes, I was just too bored to stay here. Have some fun just like the photo shown above, my hair bun. What face is that? I wonder. You will never know how stress am I cause I still smiling no matter how tough the situation is. I'm stronger than you think. 

My second photo with boss. Since we hit our sales target, he brought us for lobster and french snail at The ship bukit bintang, it also known as "the best steak in town". Look at the photo, he is always that cool, never want to smile. Seriously you will feel better if you meet him in reality. He is having few outlets now and not be able to come over to visit us all the time. No worries, no need to worry since I'm here. Will hand in better and better result every month for you. Well, remember this: YOUR TEAM LOVES YOU. :')

December, it was fall and winter season. See who am I with ? Santa clause was in the mall. HOHOHO. I whispered in his ear that please surprise me with 2014 and please turn all my dreams into reality. It sounds so impossible but I still hold on to the hope, even though it is as tiny as bacteria, invisible. I do have a lot of dream. I gave up some of it. Well, I know there is no U-turn in life so I will just let it goes. I know the Father Lord will always have a batter choice for me. 

Look at this sunshine boy. He turned into NINETEEN yesterday. I miss him. Didn't manage to meet him for one long year. Why is he so special ? He is the one who encourage me to study hard for my SPM, he solved me additional maths, chemistry or even physics questions through whatsapp. He is one of the reason why I choose to be same class with him in the last year of secondary school. I can't forget our graduation day, he shaked hand with me and thanks me for being his classmate during form 5. It was the last time I saw him. Even when the time I was in Melaka, struggling with homesick, he texted me " big girl don't cry". Not only that, when I decided to fly for my second time, he was there with me too, told me can't give up anymore this time. Yesterday was his birthday, so sad I can't celebrate with him. He told me he is heading to USA real soon, friend I miss you. Why Why? Why we cannot be in the same university, having the same course? Because this is life, everyone has their own way to go, everyone has their own dream. When can I see you agian? I hope it's not a long wait anymore. PUI, you will be missed and you will be always in my mind ! Keep in touch and hope our friendship can go as far as it can be. I truly love and appreciate you as my best buddy. Stay healthy. With lots of love, Shi Hien. 

Alright, I do not have too much time to write about my every details here. When will be my next update? Probably another half year to go I guess. I'm too busy and please forgive for not up to date. 

There may be people that have more talent than you, but there is no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do. 

GiRL, be smart and BE OUTSTANDING !