Let it go

It's Wednesday. Went to class as usual. 2 weeks more to my practical exam. I'm so nervous because I hasn't well prepared. Really really really, I couldn't manage to fail any single part of it, I don't have any ability to pay for my school fees. I'm so worried but I don't know what to do. Since I skipped too many practical class, I know that I should pay for this irresponsible behavior. Talked to my 2 hubby about taking non pay leave on our pre exam lecture on 21 until 24 April, one of them told me that, you have to keep in mind and ask yourself what's more important for you at this moment. He said, we always heard you expressed the problems you faced during work but we never heard that you complain about your studies. Silence. I keep silent. Since I'm not a full time student, working is more important for me. Why I have this kind of mindset? I curious. I'm going to put my work aside first from next semester onwards, dear FCS owner, I'm sorry, I will be back soon and I will definitely be different when I'm back. Don't get mad of me for having too much of leaves, I don't want them actually. Got a wechat from you during my lesson, glad that I'm one part of the shop, but I'm off today, couldn't be able to tell you how everything's going on. Remember please, I'm having class every Wednesday and Thursday. You will never know how glad I'm to have you. How are you recently ? Seem so busy and have a bigger plan. Anyway wishing you succeed. I've many, hell a lot, tones of things to tell you. I AM NOT FINE AT ALL THESE DAYS. Am I too stressed ? I wonder. Pimples started to spread all over my faces. It's bad, bad ! On my way back home, scrolling down Facebook is what I always did inside the 1 hour LRT travel, my boys and girls were playing happily in India. They had finally explored the curryland. They were fine but not me. It had been a year  since I left them and I still stick this issue in me. Staring at their photos, how much I wish I was there. It might not be a high salary job in future but who cares about the matter right now ? Everyone is realizing their dream. I'm 20 next year, will be done my diploma next year. Is my study life ends like this ? I don't even dare to think about it. I'm depressed. I'm upset. I'm unhappy most of the times when I saw any updates from those MBBS gang. I have a world best mom. She often tried her best to comfort me. She always tell me:" Mei, let go of the past, move on with your present to future, you're doomed if you keep on holding to your past." Before this, I never know that exactly how "Move On" feel, until the day I have to do so. I want to go back so badly to achieve my dream. Dear Doraemon, can you please lend me your "turn back time machine" for me. I wanna reverse the time to January 2013. It's impossible I knew that. To do it again after my diploma ? Still considering, I might not have any guts to do it again I guess so. Back to reality, life now. Not bad also. I'm satisfied at least, with good person and good leader by my side. I cherish you. To pay for your kindness and generosity, I will try to hand in better performance. Do you ever regret to have me in your shop ? I asked this stupid question. Hopefully really not. Who am I ? I'm just a little dot. There is too many people out there more excellent than I, cleverer than I, smarter than I. I still have a big gap to go, many room for improvements. Can someone, anyone that can stand at my position with my thoughts, tell me what should I do now. Give me some suggestions please. Should or shouldn't ? Can or can't I ? Can I archive my dream without giving up here ? A stone kills 2 birds, is it possible ? Another oppose saying " you cannot burn the candle at both ends " or " you cannot have the cake and eat it " . I'm struggling. And I want to see you so badly to overcome all my problems. Girl, set yourself free, don't stressed, don't compare. Be smart, be humble, be outstanding ! Our life is not a draft, our life didn't prepare us a rubber, it's only once. There is no U-turn in life, so life well it !                                                      Don't overthink. Let it go.