Life goes on...

It was a normal school day. Time flies. One more week left to pre exam lecture, 3 more weeks to external practical exam. Teachers always blame me for not attending class. So this will be a super stressful exam. Couldn't manage to fail any part of it. I wonder when i start unbalance my work and study. I prefer working, really. Have a great talk with my 2 hubby which work  same company as me. Through them, I knew more details about the "superlady" manager. I admire her. She hold this position for almost 10 years and I always ask myself how come she manage to do that. She is one of my role model ! From today onwards, i should stop all my childish, foolish and silliness. Imma 19 this year, will probably end my syllabus in 20. 4 years more to the target I set to myself. And all along these years, I will choose to be staying with you. This is the last week of the month, yet I'm still unsatisfied with my achievement. How? feel so useless when comparing with others. People always told me don't compare since comparison depressed yourself. Comfort myself while lonely whereby warm myself up when alone, this is how I go through my life. Over this 19 years, I never want to be in a relationship. I don't know why but I just did. Single could be so pretty awesome. The only bad is you've no one listening to you when you face problems. And this is the biggest problem of mine now. These few months, many of my friend get married, quite shock but honestly about marriage, I never think of it. About one of the marriage, I'm not shock when knew about it meanwhile I'm sad. He was the one who care for me along my whole form 2 in secondary school. Suddenly, all those memories burst in my brain. But still congratulation for him. Best wishes from piggy to you, be a good daddy. This nickname should be shut down forever. Our first lion dance camp will be my sweet memory indeed. All these is not the main idea of my life at this moment, envy most of them sometimes but what should I do now is fighting for my future. " Destined lonely road to success ". I admit that I'm greedy, I just want to be outstanding. Don't stop me. Can you be there with me? I would appreciate you with life if you could accompany me along the way to my destination.

今天没有别人努力，明天就会被别人超越。《李嘉诚名言》

永远成功的秘密，就是每天淘汰自己，

你不与别人竞争，并不意味着别人不会与你竞争，

你不淘汰别人，就会被别人淘汰，

别人进步的同时，你没有进步，就等于退步。

成功的路上并不拥挤，因为坚持的人不多。亲爱的，加油了。

无论你今天要面对什么，既然走到了这一步，就坚持下去，给自己一些肯定，你比想象中坚强。
没有人知道上天为什么要给我们诸多试练，但请让我们记住：我们所受的痛苦，永远不白费。
没有人完美，也不能说服每个人觉得你好，做好自己就好。

就算全世界觉得我好你觉得我不好，我都会难过；

就算全世界觉得我不好你觉得我好，我都会足够。

有你真好

It was like a dream. Turned over my head and I saw a familiar back view. Awwww, why are you here? But I'm glad that you came. Thought that I'm not going to meet you up this week and I was all in depressed. Went back from toilet and saw you. Big big smile in me. Why I was always in a mess during every sudden visit of yours? My face was in a mess, a deep shit. Like always, I feel like want to meet you up so badly each time when I was tormented by all those grievance. How  many days till our  next meet again ? Without telling any single words, all these will be emptied when you're here. Never expect to see you today, not much talk but fine. Standing right behind you, why I found out that you become slimmer after suffering from sickness for two weeks ? :( Seriously, I just want you to be healthy. Don't ever ask me who is this person ? You just have to know that he meant too much. There is no such thing relate to love. All of this is because in this strange city, he is the one who build up my way, point me to walk through, and lead my way. Each time I met obstacles and having negative mind set, I will recall what he told me before, his face, his performance could bring me lots of energy to move on. And he is one of the reason why I can stay still until today. I told myself I must be same with him someday in the future, so that's my target to go. It's one of the best thing in life to have you living in my mind. Waiting and waiting, looking forwards for you to bring me to another stage in life. It might be hardly to meet you in next month. I will keep my result and performance , don't worry. Focus on what you do now and wish you every success in your business. Hope to hear from you soon. Take good care of your "easily sicky" body. See you soon. Remain the same, thank you for everything. Still, he is my world best boss.  SALUTE! *

这是星期天的故事：今天一大早就好委屈，细节就不详细说明了。为什么很多时候啊，我总觉得别人喜欢欺负我？从小就只有我欺负人，没有人会欺负我的过着我霸道的生活。生活把我宠坏了。还记得form 5 那年的我，从 5S3 转到 5S1 的时候，我的 “美中爸爸”， Mr Yong 把我拉在他身边，跟班上的同学说你们不可以欺负她。现在想起来还真好笑，谁敢欺负我啊？我可是每天都呆在副校长室里跟我的“美中妈妈”聊天的呢。哈哈！这些人啊，都把我宠坏了。在外面啊，目前为止还没找到会宠坏我的人，所以就总觉得被欺负了。严格来说应该是社会的现实给了我这样的假象。这种世界啊，真的让我长大了不少。可能对于很多年纪比我大的人，会觉得我很没用，一点点委屈就哭，真是一个窝囊废。入世未深的小孩，就原谅我吧。我很容易把情绪都写在脸上，什么都被看穿了，很傻啊，不过我就是这个样子。我会长大的，很快的，很快会适应这样的生活，然后就没那么容易一点点就哭了。今天是spm成绩放榜日，一年了。一年前，拿着我的成绩，哭了。人生中的第一个遗憾，我欠了妈妈一句对不起。不是她对我的要求高，而是打从心里觉得对不起苦心栽培我的她。今天又想了好多好多，我只想快点毕业。给了自己一个好艰难的目标，希望在21岁把它完成。 每个月的第三个星期，都会很期待commission, 但是这个月并没有，但是还是拿了不应该拿的数目。突然好内疚，不过还是谢谢了。亲爱的你，希望你四月过来看到我的成绩没有失望。同事间的竞争越来越大，压力越来越大，笑声越来越少了。我真的不知道处于这个位置的我，别人是怎样看我的，不过我不会太在意，我把我应该做的做好就是了。是时候把遗憾遗忘，继续过好我现在的生活。频频回头的人走不了远路 。这个总每天把我当小孩般疼爱的人，感谢你。可能对你来说没啥特别。对我而言，这就是一种非一般的疼爱。我很贪心的，可不可以霸占？人间总有聚有散，可是真的很怕那一天的到来。怕哪一天我们散了，就不会再聚了，我会很舍不得的。 ;(

感谢你生病了都还为我配上新眼镜。我会好好珍惜它，当然你也是。祝愿你健康！

放心，你不在我会很乖的。只是希望其他人，不了解我的人，不要再对我的所作所为有任何批评了，拜托，我需要指点，但是不需要指指点点。我知道我小，不过真的很多时候不需要那样对我，我不说，可是我是真的看懂你们在做什么。我只是什么都告诉自己无所谓。我不需要全世界觉得我好，只要在你这里你觉得我好就好，够了。

面对这样竞争的生活，我无法改变，但是我会改改我的心态，我会乐观面对一切。输赢不重要，问心无愧就好，很多时候，很多事情，我无能为力。

如果这世界上真有奇迹，那只是努力的另一个名字。我会加油的，不会让你的疼爱白白给，不会让你的栽培一场空，然后我告诉自己总有一天我要变成你的骄傲。让你有一天能够骄傲的跟别人说出：这就是我的爱将！

埋葬在遗憾里的梦想

昨晚，就和一位一年不见的朋友聊到了深夜，答应她会到机场给她送机，还剩下不到一个月的时间就要飞到印度去了，去完成她的医生梦。说了很多，我是从心里深深的羡慕，深深的羡慕他们的执着，他们的坚持，他们的毅力，我也可以的，只不过一年前的我放弃了。一年了，我终于有勇气把它写出来了，写着写着，又哭了一遍。我有我的理由和原因，不要问我为什么，现在回想起来，心中难免还是有些纠结，应该不是后悔，只是那感觉好深奥，我形容不了。一切都还那么清晰，家里的所有人都反对我的放弃，甚至都不听我的电话了，还记得妈妈对我说："妹，你舍得就这样放弃你从小的梦吗？不是不肯你回家，只是怕你后悔了。"除了想家以外，我还有我的原因的。那时，只有爸爸赞同我回家，不过我想他也不希望我放弃的，只不过不忍心一直听我哭。不了解我的人应该觉得我很不孝，浪费了钱，又喜欢哭，完全就是一个娇身惯养的千金。如果你真的那么觉得我，那你真的错了，我不是不能独立，只不过我爱我爸爸妈妈的程度好像过剩了。我这个天生就是个悲伤主义者，很多东西都往坏一面想，我会觉得离开爸爸妈妈身边或许就一辈子了。我会想得很远很远，也不知道为何自己这个样子。我会想出去读书以后，大半年才可以回家一次，几个月不见，爸爸妈妈又会老了一些，每次往往想到这个，我就会泪流满面，我也痛恨自己怎么可以有这样的想法。真的很羡慕那些都往外飞的朋友，他们怎么可以两年都不回家。医生，是我从小的梦想，小时候总是叫我们填什么志愿的，我记得有五个空格，可以填写五个，我毫不犹豫地从一到五都填了医生。真的不是想想而已的。小学时，有个什么小小医生计划的东西，当然我是其中一个。小时候，天真幼稚，很开心可以穿着医生袍站在台上，给其他同学致词。我们大家都还一起参观了好多医院。有一次还参观了中央医院手术室，太多回忆了，照片都还留着。上了中学以后，我的愿望依然没变，这样平淡的过了五年。中学毕业了，考试考完了，开始计划未来了，那个时候最彷徨无助，没有人能帮你决定未来。其实家人不是很赞同我读医，妈妈怕我累坏了，怕我压力过渡，还没毕业就忧郁症，他们建议我读什么光学的，也就是我现在读的。当我决定以后我告诉妈妈需要好多钱，因为这学校高水准，成绩再好都没有奖学金的。爸爸却说："让她去吧，再贵都让她去，我们就两个女儿，给了她好的学校，好的教育，就等于给了她最好的未来，这就是我们能给她们一辈子最好的礼物。" 爸爸的话，我一辈子都不会忘，他太爱我们了。妈妈却开着玩笑说：爸爸说让你去，钱是他赚的，让你去读医生了，我们也要更努力找钱了。" 那时的我好开心，开始准备着一切，妈妈也还钱给学校了。妈妈总是世上最伟大的，爸爸说他就不送我去了，因为他会不舍得，所以就把这重任交给了老妈。离别的那个早上，我忍住不哭的，可是看见爸爸偷偷的用衣服擦了擦眼角，一句再见都没说，只叮咛我要小心，要照顾自己。上了车，我疯狂的哭了，我跟妈妈说：爸爸哭了，妈妈却温柔的说：能不哭吗，依偎在我们身边18年了，突然要大半年不见，怎么习惯呢？终于都来到这个陌生的城市，一切办妥后，我就留在宿舍了，眼送妈妈回家，我很委屈，可是我没有哭。几天之后，终于都忍不住了，打电话给妈妈说我好想念你们。一开始上课，就那么正经了，告诉我们医生路一点都不容易走，废话，这是世界上所有科系里最煎熬的一科，还有就是毕业以后要面对这种现实的社会，有钱就先医你，没钱就放一边去先，怎么了？世界怎么那么糟糕啊？还有很荒唐的是，医学界也有拼业绩这回事? 若没有达到业绩标准就要打包回家？那太悲惨了。也不知道这些到底是不是事实，只是听了有点心寒。读医完全就是一件很昂贵的消费，100万现金，五年，差不多是这样。比起很多同学，我没有他们家那么富裕，有法拉利跑车，有皇宫似的家，但是至少也有能走的代步工具，我也有能遮风挡雨的家。他们要读医完全不是问题，爸爸妈妈也努力给了我想要的，只是自己的脑袋心脏不争气罢了。窝在那里一个星期，想了很多，终于放弃了。戴博士说过：放弃比成功容易很多，放弃只需要一分钟，可是成功却要一辈子的坚持。那个心情至今依然清晰，应该说，除非有天我失忆，否则我应该永远忘不了。我有我不想说的原因，没有后悔， 只是从小的梦想，我对不起你，我只能永远把你留在遗憾里了。这件事应该会跟随我，折磨我一辈子。可能对于有些人来说，梦想不算什么，梦想嘛，想想就好。我真的不一样，真的跟大家不一样。对于那些在赶路追逐梦想的朋友们，你们的第一步好成功，真心祝愿你们真的成功！我相信上帝总有他的原因，让我做这样的选择，亲爱的父，请你继续在我前面指引。妈妈总是不离不弃，来读了我现在读的东西，回想起那段筹备时间，还蛮搞笑的，每天坐在妈妈身边吹水，什么鬼都讲，妈妈还说：如果你这一次又想回家，爸爸妈妈还是欢迎的。听到这里，又感动又想笑。回家可以呀，有车驾，妈妈还钱， 吃喝玩乐，妈妈还钱。那么这样我不是废才一个吗？妈妈辛苦栽培了我18年，一个成绩标青的小孩，为什么要过上那样颓废的生活？所以又重新出发了。我在这里过得还不赖，八个月了才见了爸爸妈妈两次。经一事，长一智，妈妈说我出来以后长大好多，其实我也是那么觉得。很多不能的东西都变能了，很多害怕的东西原来我也能克服了，很多做不到的东西也终于做到了。这几个月，我变了，所有的伤痛都能倔强的自己扛，我变的顽强了，更像一个仙人掌了，随便丢到哪都能活了。这几个月，生活告诉我，不是每个人都愿意陪你经历所有。这几个月，我明白了，没有谁会像父母一样一直包容并原谅你。这几个月，生活告诉我，命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求。这几个月，生活告诉我，不用去羡慕别人，自己也会过得好！上天不给我的，无论我十指怎么紧扣，依然走漏；给我的，无论过去我怎么失手，都会拥有。
我在面子书看到了一篇意义深重的文章：
【看完，你会成熟很多】

1。姥姥去世了。
妈妈平静地处理完后事，
晚上回来她栽倒在床上抽泣道：“女儿，你知道吗，妈妈没有妈妈了……”我顿时心酸至极。

2。出国一年，
回来时妈妈已患上老年痴呆，
迷迷糊糊，不认人。
我走到床边看她时，她竟忽然冲我笑了，说：“你胖了。”

3。今天坐火车，
两个老婆婆坐在我身边，
其中一个是来送另一个的，
两人双手拉在一起不停念叨着。
要发车了，
一个老婆婆下车，
回头说了句话－“姐啊，今年我89岁，你90岁，这是我们这辈子最后一次见面了……”

4。小区里有个小朋友刚出生不久妈妈就去世了，
一直都是奶奶带着。
有一次小朋友对她奶奶说：“我偷偷叫你一声妈妈可以吗？”

5。家里买了一台大电视，
我想放客厅，
可老妈想放他们卧室，
一直争执不下，
最后还是老妈妥协了。
很多年过去了，
有天老妈发信息：电视放我和你爸卧室其实是想让你能来我们屋看，
这样可以多陪陪我们……当即释怀，忍不住大哭。

6。我问老公：“如果是我得了绝症，
你会给我治吗？”老公快睡着了，
迷迷糊糊说：“别瞎说……倾家荡产也得治！”
我说：“如果你得了呢？”老公：“那就不治了。
剩下你一个人，挣钱不容易。”

7. 那是一次“意外”，
我拿老公的手机玩，无意间看到一条短信，
那是爸爸去世前和我老公见面没多久后发的
－“今天我把我的宝贝交给你了，
拜托你一定要好好照顾她，
我到天堂都会感激祝福你的。”
几年来，一想到这件事不知哭晕多少次。

8. 在外第一个春节坐火车回家带了一瓶绿茶，
妈妈说：“我从来没有喝过这个东西，
真好喝。”

9. 爸妈离婚后我跟了老妈。
等老爸有了自己另一个家，
另一个女儿，
我就觉得自己是多余的，
即使再难也绝对不给老爸添麻烦。
后来有件事还是得要他帮忙，
然后事成了，于是发短信给爸爸说谢谢，
短信上打出“谢谢”两字时，
我心里痛得跟抽筋一样。
过了很久，
爸才回复我，只有两字：傻瓜！

10. 爷爷拉着我说：“我很好，别担心，
你自己在外面注意身体，
多吃点好吃的……”
明明在饭桌上，
我只看到一小盘咸菜孤独的摆着，
眼前顿时模糊一片，
那天是他 80 岁 的生日啊~~~

11。爸爸一次重病，
在床上躺了大半个月都没醒，
后来在一个下午突然醒了.
醒来时他嘴一直在动，
妈妈把耳朵凑近了对他说：“你慢点说，我听着呢。” 爸很虚弱说：“女儿该放学回家了，你去把饭做了吧

12。高三那年，
外婆问我想考哪里 我说当然是北京,
外婆说就考本地嘛离得近 ,
我就笑着哈拉过去.
高考前一个月，
外婆去世了，
选择都没留给我.
外婆去世第二天，
家里上上下下忙着张罗各种事,
大人都在楼下搭着的灵堂忙.
我到楼上找外公,
外公一个人坐在藤椅上,
看到我来了，
强挤出笑脸说：“孙女，怎么办哟，以后咱家订的牛奶也没人喝了?” 我背过身去大哭

13。大年三十晚上，
因为在外地加班不能回家过年，
虽然爸爸知道我不回去
但他还是一个人冒着刺骨寒风到人烟稀少的小车站一直一直的等，妈妈叫他回来 　　
可爸却说：“万一她是骗我们的呢，万一她晚上就回来了呢。” 　　后来听到妈妈给我说这件事的时候，我心里面就像被锤子狠狠的砸着那么难受。

14。大学后的第一个寒假，
妈开始学习发短信。
我是个没耐性的人，
本来几句话的东西，
却嫌她手脚太笨，
便没耐心教下去了。
晚饭后，妈和老爸在房间里看电视，我在练听力，那时候还用复读机，恍惚间感觉有东西干扰，手机进条短信，只有5个字，妈妈问：儿，你在干嘛？

15。小时候爸爸喂我药，我呛到了，妈妈就把他骂出去了。
后来妈妈问姐姐爸爸哪去了，
姐姐说爸爸在外面哭。



（转自面子书）我对这篇文章特别感同身受，我特别爱我的爸妈。
还记得过年时我们一家到台湾旅行，因为要做工的关系，不能陪着他们多玩几天。
那个街头，我和他们分离了，又几个月的煎熬。我其实蛮坚强，原本没有打算流着泪回，可是我看见妈妈的眼角挤满泪，不舍得的跑向妈妈抱着她，不理别人的眼光，就大声的埋头在妈妈的衣服里哭。妈妈的体温在那天冷的过度更显得温暖。抽泣得说我很想回家，她却说再怎么想家，都不可以回，等你可以回的时候再回吧，总安慰我说时间很快的。那时候已经找不到爸爸的影子，他老早躲到车上去了，他害怕离别的场景。我又何尝不是？分离在陌生的国度，搭着高铁自己去到桃园机场，回到我的繁忙生活。亲爱的你们，一定要身体健康，希望你们事业顺利，这是我给你们的新年祝福。我会好好过我的生活！


现在的我，已经和同年龄的大家有所不同，面子书我看的是时事新闻，读的是经典语录，创业家名言，什么韩剧 《继承者们》 ， 《来自星星的你》， 我通通没看，这是长大的征兆吗? 出来大半年以后，我仿佛被洗脑了一番，看见年纪轻轻就成功的你，把你视为榜样，因为无论怎样我都要求自己像你一样。把我们的合照放在我每天都会看到的地方，这是一种激励，也是我前进的动力。开始在爸爸妈妈的辅助下，策划我的未来，我在走我自己的路，希望一切安好。
风雨中没有伞的孩子，要奔跑！
给自己多一个3年的时间，我不需要很出色，但是我不要太平凡，我会很努力的爬，爬到自己心中设下的巅峰！


完。感谢阅读。
 

Don't give up !

Hey it's now night time again, ohh nope it should be it's bedtime again. And again, I'm here again. During every bedtime, I lie on bed, every details of the day will flew in my mind, remind and replay me what had happened all day long. Of coarse, I always overthink at this moment. Not what special post, not relate to what #prayforMH370 , just a random blog post posting about my work today. Please allow me to out of topic for a moment, I felt sympathy for all those casualty of the flight MH370 from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. Pray for the best, but prepare for the worst. The possibility of survival is nearly zero percent. Anyway, just pray. You all have my heartfelt condolence. Back to my topic. Nowadays, I'm really stressed to the max I guess. Don't blame me for having a greedy mind, but that's me. Please accept. Every month besides the target set by manager, I would always give myself a personal target and it's always higher. And I would tell myself every month I want to be the top. Yes when I want, I really want. There is a well said quote:" when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will success" but, B..U..T ! Sometimes many things will out of our expectation, when you work hard, but without any luck. Or when you have luck, you lack of knowledge. That's what I face deep inside me during every working day of mine. To become the top of the month, I don't know how much effort had I put. It's worth  if I achieved what I want. There had been once, it's nearly end of the month,  and I already keep the distance around 10k between the second top, but at last I still drop from the first to the second. I will always bear in mind about that month. So unforgettable ! Lesson learnt was : you are strong, but remember there is always people stronger than you ! So stay humble pretty. You know how stressed am I ? But all these is what I gave to myself. It's only the seventh day of march's  working days, today is Sunday. I should have a good sales amount. But then so sad to tell, things went wrongly. Didn't manage to do even 2k. Put my hand around my heart and asked: what happened to you today ? Why hand in so bad result? I didn't get any response yet. Even I myself couldn't answer that. Normally during every night phone call to mum, she usually ask me about the business of the day , she cares about my working too. Few months ago will keep on telling her no matter happy or upset with my daily target. Expected, she often comfort me said that you're still new to this environment, couldn't compare with them. I knew mama just want to comfort and make me feel better. Thanks for her concern but I think that's not an acceptable  excuse for not being a top. Start from March, once I want to be the top, yea that's me don't ask me why. This is my overbearing manner, forgive me about that. And also start from March, I didn't tell mummy about my sales stuffs , I know that she will worry about my health and also the mentally balancing of mine. To minimize her worry, I avoid to tell her. She usually encourage me to do better. That's my mom. I love her. No one could know what's on my mind. I know what I want and I will always walk that way to get it. First week of March gone and I finally climb to the top. But can or can't I stay ? Depends on this coming week. All competitors are so strong , and somehow I felt breathless of this situation. No worry, I'm fine, very fine. The left over few months of full time job, let me be the top, yes just few more months ! Started  turn into a silent mode during work, don't ask me why I became so quiet. Silence is the biggest cry of a girl. I'm stressed but yet excited. 3 more weeks to go, if I still can't to be the top, i will accept it proudly since I had tried my best and no regret. I need more knowledge and experience and whenever I have enough of both of these, there is no more any other reason to be the second. I swear to myself and I hope I can do it, one day.. One day in future. Tiring stressed Sunday ended. Will have Monday blue again tomorrow I think so. Will stop myself from that and keep on fighting. Many things to be done next week, time please flies I want to graduate faster. Due to sickness, I couldn't imagine my presentation using this sexy sicky ducky voice , might be very comical. Lie on bed and still non stop coughing, when can I recover ? Please, get well soon. I need more energy, more healthier body to fight against all the competitors ! Dear Lord, strengthen me. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me" Philipians 4:13 Good night people on earth, and good night to the one I care and love which is far from me. Take good care and see you ! Pray for MH370, pray for myself. Don't give up on hope !

mini update

Today is my second rest day of the week. Boredom strikes me at this moment and so why I'm here. Just renewed my blog's outlook. A piece of sky, telling myself to be happy everyday. Quite in love with everything in blue color and I hope you can drop by and to have some read. I was so sick these few days. Hyper bad headache and sore throat. Both the pain were ridiculous. Whenever I moved my neck around, the pain started to rise from my neck to the top of head. Not only that I felt like there is a hoe inside my throat, even pain during chewing food. What's wrong with me? I don't know, I just know that the pain almost fainted me. In addition, I still suffered in between hotness and coldness.

I can shivering although the fan is off, which I was wrapped in two layer blankets. After having paracetamol, or normally people called it panadol for around one an hour, I started to feel the hotness spread all over my body. I still felt hot when the fan already turned to its maximum. This fluctuation certainly kept me occupied. Today was the third day I was in this condition. When can I get better? Stop having medicine today and seriously hope it won't come back anymore. Didn't take medical leave since I saw a conductivity form that day. Having 3 medical leave in one quarter (three months) considered a discipline problem. Since I was in KL, I get sick easily, almost once every 2-3 weeks. I myself worried about this too. To left over a good impression towards HQ, so I avoid to take leave, just hope to have a beautiful record. I have too much of great expectations for this company. Lets time proved me everything. Should have rest earlier tonight to prepare myself for the early morning training tomorrow. Thanks for the training anyway it's for everyone here. Would you come unexpectedly again tomorrow ? Don't think so. But no worry, I will be an obedient girl especially when you're not around. Look forward for our next meet and next talk. Please I hope you bring me some good news 4 days later.

Look at this photo. I love it so much. What a silly girl. I can be mature and yet sometimes I can be childish and foolish too. Please forgive me since I'm just 19 years old. But mentally I think that I live a 28 years old lady's life. Whatever, 3 words to sum up everything: LIFE GOES ON.
Put your trust in me, and I will show  you a better and better me day by day. Please wait patiently for my flying colors.
Couldn't manage to fall for you at this age, but can always keep you in my prayer.
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Take good care and good night.
Don't sleep late.

Sunny Sunday & Moody Monday

Hey, I'm here again. Yea I don't know why I came here, but I just did. The first weekend of March just ended yesterday. And today is the first Monday of the month. Firstly, I should say that it is a stressful month. 3 out of 31 days had passed, and that's my conclusion for March. Quite a strong compete lie between every colleagues here. Everyone is smiling, but I feel like wanna know what hide deep inside everyone of them. To come along with the circumstance, sure I smiled too. To fight for personal target and group target, one and all never sit there chit chat nor playful like before. Before I got the chance to walk front, they already started their footstep forward. Timidity rose like rocket in me. I scared, I really scared. If this situation last long until the end of the month, how would I be ? Totally couldn't imagine, in other words I don't even dare to imagine. In another way round, I whispered to myself, a strong person can never scare of his/her rival. A strong person is always strong no matter how tough the situation . Confidence will always make you win. Having self confident at first will aid your way to success. All these sound so cruel right ? This is real hectic life , if i reject to compete with them, I can only stay at the same point all the time. I fight, for my survival. Anyway all these are not harmful, but bring out the best of everyone. Thank you for all the challenging, you will never beat me down but  create a better and better me. Yesterday was an unlucky day, so far for me is like that. It was a brand new day after Saturday, it was another chance. Thing always  went opposite with what you thought it would be. 8th months here, this was my first time serving  a customer for almost 2 hours and then lastly waving goodbye and say thank you to me. The feeling was terrible, I can't even describe. Even though how disappointed you are towards the customer, you still have to calm yourself down and say : thank you for coming, hope to see you soon. I wonder what's the problem. Finish explaining everything to him, I requested him to wait for a while for eye test. Refraction room was free and yet optician were all occupied, not available at that moment. Few minutes later he asked why I cannot check. Hey you! If I can then you already no need wait la, you very hurt me you know. Zzz then he left , refuse to wait. Well, I watched him go silently, couldn't do anything. I'm sorry for letting him go, but who come and tell me what should I do ? The super upset feeling stayed in my mind for around fifteen minutes, I sat inside the lab, staring at the edging machine. Fifteen minutes later, went out of the lab and motivate myself don't to lost spirit. If not, the same situation in February will repeat all over again. That was a bad month, since I don't have any spirit to fight, no target for myself and my everyday spent was like a zombie lifestyle. I never want it to repeat anymore. Stand up and told myself, all retail sales require much patience . Take it easy since you'll  often face the same thing if you decide to explore in this piece of land. I'm the kind of person who always want everything to be perfect, I scared of mistakes. Yesterday I accidentally spoilt the lab' s table with super glue. And the table was in a mess now. I tried many way but still can't remove them. I hate myself for being so careless, in Chinese it is something "stupid hand stupid leg" I don't know how to tell my boss I spoilt his belongings and tho I don't want he come at this particular moment. This morning, got a call from HQ, invoices have some mistakes. Went to check the record: it was my wording. HOLY. In my mind: ohhh shit, what shit had I done again? Why I mistake again ? At the moment  I'm struggling with the invoice stuffs, a familiar sunshine face appeared in front of me. Why are you like playing hide and seek? The action was just so funny and when I recalled now I still laugh non stop. I smiled crazily deep inside cause I knew that everything will be fine when you're here. Be brave, I apologize for my clumsy. Your reply was so unexpected ! I had been worried too much all day long. Yes, I admitted the one hour presence of you lighten my whole moody Monday. Problem solved and my heart was in party mode. Teehee :D Nowadays quite often I walked back home after work. I have one super lovely colleague, I love her but we are totally different race, different religion, different background, this is so called "1 Malaysia " . She always knew what happened with me. She sent me back just now and talked a lot with me. She can always exactly felt the way I felt. Without telling her anything, she knew that I'm not okay today and will never ask me why. She told me she always got my feeling. Yes I love her the most here, but sometimes I really get angry with her handwriting, I can't even read. Of course that's small matter. She always showed me good food, good photo, told me what had she ate as supper, and sometimes brought me for good food. We can talk about everything and for the first time I owned a different race close friend. She was 7 years older than me  but was totally act like same age with me sometimes. About other colleagues, don't have too much to say, wishing we are always in harmony and fight for higher sales so we can stand on the stage during annual dinner 2014. Team, fighting ! I'm the youngest among all, but why my spirit to fight is the highest among them ? Is it I have some mental problem ? Haha. Lying on bed to write this post, 1am now, couldn't think of what to write anymore, brain stuck, it reminds me to sleep now. Before I end this, happy birthday to my gay colleague ! I think I'm the  only one who do so, he is human being too, don't  ostracize him please. We should keep this harmony. I like to write about my work here , I couldn't imagine if one day my colleagues read all these. It must be very awkward. If they do, enjoy reading :) It's Tuesday now, my favorite day of the week . See you later boss da ren ! Tomorrow is another day  motivates me to work harder ! 

BELLO, MARCH =)

Bello (hello in minion language) ! BELLO MARCH, it was finally the start of march. Yes, February had finally came to an end. March, it's a fighting month. Hey competitors, i'm back ! I'm fully charged during the last whole month and once again an energetic shi hien is here. I did so badly in my exam few days ago. The anxious and insecurity kept me occupied. I told myself to put the exam aside and let's focus on my job this month. Yes, yes i'm 19 years old, only 19, but i started fully participate in my job, my first job last year. Don't ask me why i started so early, this is my choice, i have my own reason. Please let me walk my path, don't comment, don't bother, don't judge about any decision of mine if you never know what had i came along throughout the long tough 2013. Well, never expect readers to be fully understand about my job, but this is my blog, not much people will drop by, and my memory is limited, i feel like jot down them so that i smile a little bit more someday when i look back. You may stop reading and leave now if you smell boredom and feel annoyance. 1st of March, the boss came and meeting with us. Of coarse, i never call him manager nor boss when face by face. i apologize for that but i strongly feel that we are closer when calling up your name. You know you have my fullest respect. i'm glad to see you today. Nothing special, because i was relief each time you were here, it seem all my problems diminished and get solved if you're around. And when you're around, all i can do is smile. =) i got the main point of the meeting and quickly i sensed the stress. it was about our sales target stuffs. Alright i knew that it was the company's rule, i will just obey and try my best. Stand beside the door, you asked me why always sleep so late. Hey i'm not sleep late. Just sometimes couldn't fall asleep and need someone elder to listen to me, you're the first who pop out in my mind, rolling down whatsapp and saw that you're still online. I started then express everything through words but always didn't send at last. You're not here everyday, it definitely slower down my improvements in eyewear knowledge. The eighth month of being 'eyewear stylish' (new title given from company) , not really in love of it seriously. Momma told me who isn't start from low position ? Don't be too upset, do your part and appreciate this position since every month you're getting nearer to wave goodbye to this. I will really enjoy the left over 14-19 months of this. Somehow, i was doomed when they always talked about something that i don't even know, such as phoropter and slit lamp. Guess what? I never want to ask, and what i do is google search, haha. Google always help ! I don't want to be slow and that's why i did all these. i will learn soon in class and i'm so looking forward for this and same goes to the refraction class. Refraction class starts soon, i'm so excited yet worried. I haven prepare myself for that. Sit in front of the computer at the cashier, often read those email from HQ, always knew about the training they provided. Each time scrolled down the name list of attendee, i admired ! i admired them who hold the chance to attend training. I'm hoping for improvements and so for sure I'm waiting for training, any training, whatever training. Although those kind of training is really quite boring sometimes, i know i must be learning something new through that. Whatever, as a conclude i just wanna graduate faster so i'm qualified for those'sound so nice' training. Teehee. :D Days by days, my loyalty towards this company, ohh nope it should be this franchise is magnified ! I don't know why, without any reason, i just willing to complete every single stuffs here. Paper work and even cleaning. It's my responsibilities and i just wanna do that ! I dislike sometimes what they had done was in a mess, i cannot accept that and so i will do them quietly somewhile. Seriously i wish i didn't over took their job. Viewing the new pasted sales target on the white board, i shouted to myself: DO THAT ! YOU ALWAYS CAN ! . Please, don't be too disappointed with my reply about the target just now, did you look through my mind this time? Actually, i don't have much confident on it. but as long as if you put the trust on me, you think i can achieve, then i will always try my best to prove that you're right. i found out that actually we had quite few similar part. You said you always want to be the top, and so do i. I always have that greedy opinion. I know this should be controlled, don't over. But still, i haven manage to do so but i'm learning every single day. During the free time today, i played with some customer unwanted lenses. I found it inside the drawer, it was quite big size and i found another smaller frame. i started to modify it to fit the frame. it took me thirty to forty five minutes if not mistaken. i'm really happy for that. it was my second pair of modification. it was very ugly i knew that, so what? i'm so happy with that. What a silly. Alright, i think it had been too long and it's now late midnight. My talent scout, you will never walk alone. Lastly, i don't know what should i say besides thank you. Thank you for your concern, thank you for everything you provide, thank you for everything you taught. Please, take my words as consideration. Rest earlier and take good care. Goodnight, i appreciate you in life. Stay tuned for my excellence. Cheers ! Have a restful night and see you !


LITTLE PART TODAY, BIGGER PORTION TOMORROW !