Don't give up !

Hey it's now night time again, ohh nope it should be it's bedtime again. And again, I'm here again. During every bedtime, I lie on bed, every details of the day will flew in my mind, remind and replay me what had happened all day long. Of coarse, I always overthink at this moment. Not what special post, not relate to what #prayforMH370 , just a random blog post posting about my work today. Please allow me to out of topic for a moment, I felt sympathy for all those casualty of the flight MH370 from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. Pray for the best, but prepare for the worst. The possibility of survival is nearly zero percent. Anyway, just pray. You all have my heartfelt condolence. Back to my topic. Nowadays, I'm really stressed to the max I guess. Don't blame me for having a greedy mind, but that's me. Please accept. Every month besides the target set by manager, I would always give myself a personal target and it's always higher. And I would tell myself every month I want to be the top. Yes when I want, I really want. There is a well said quote:" when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will success" but, B..U..T ! Sometimes many things will out of our expectation, when you work hard, but without any luck. Or when you have luck, you lack of knowledge. That's what I face deep inside me during every working day of mine. To become the top of the month, I don't know how much effort had I put. It's worth  if I achieved what I want. There had been once, it's nearly end of the month,  and I already keep the distance around 10k between the second top, but at last I still drop from the first to the second. I will always bear in mind about that month. So unforgettable ! Lesson learnt was : you are strong, but remember there is always people stronger than you ! So stay humble pretty. You know how stressed am I ? But all these is what I gave to myself. It's only the seventh day of march's  working days, today is Sunday. I should have a good sales amount. But then so sad to tell, things went wrongly. Didn't manage to do even 2k. Put my hand around my heart and asked: what happened to you today ? Why hand in so bad result? I didn't get any response yet. Even I myself couldn't answer that. Normally during every night phone call to mum, she usually ask me about the business of the day , she cares about my working too. Few months ago will keep on telling her no matter happy or upset with my daily target. Expected, she often comfort me said that you're still new to this environment, couldn't compare with them. I knew mama just want to comfort and make me feel better. Thanks for her concern but I think that's not an acceptable  excuse for not being a top. Start from March, once I want to be the top, yea that's me don't ask me why. This is my overbearing manner, forgive me about that. And also start from March, I didn't tell mummy about my sales stuffs , I know that she will worry about my health and also the mentally balancing of mine. To minimize her worry, I avoid to tell her. She usually encourage me to do better. That's my mom. I love her. No one could know what's on my mind. I know what I want and I will always walk that way to get it. First week of March gone and I finally climb to the top. But can or can't I stay ? Depends on this coming week. All competitors are so strong , and somehow I felt breathless of this situation. No worry, I'm fine, very fine. The left over few months of full time job, let me be the top, yes just few more months ! Started  turn into a silent mode during work, don't ask me why I became so quiet. Silence is the biggest cry of a girl. I'm stressed but yet excited. 3 more weeks to go, if I still can't to be the top, i will accept it proudly since I had tried my best and no regret. I need more knowledge and experience and whenever I have enough of both of these, there is no more any other reason to be the second. I swear to myself and I hope I can do it, one day.. One day in future. Tiring stressed Sunday ended. Will have Monday blue again tomorrow I think so. Will stop myself from that and keep on fighting. Many things to be done next week, time please flies I want to graduate faster. Due to sickness, I couldn't imagine my presentation using this sexy sicky ducky voice , might be very comical. Lie on bed and still non stop coughing, when can I recover ? Please, get well soon. I need more energy, more healthier body to fight against all the competitors ! Dear Lord, strengthen me. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me" Philipians 4:13 Good night people on earth, and good night to the one I care and love which is far from me. Take good care and see you ! Pray for MH370, pray for myself. Don't give up on hope !